Spoon

I don't like to think

I don't like to think that I’m not enough

Self-deprecation is something I can never do

I know I deserve it

But it just sounds silly

Telling myself 

“You’re not enough”

It's funny

I know that, so why am I telling myself?

I’d rather someone tell me I’m shit

When I say it

I sound desperate

Putting yourself down?

It's just so funny

It's like I need something

Self-affirmation?

That's what it feels like

If I hate myself so much

Why must I convince myself I do?

Can't it just come naturally? 

Hate isn't something you have born in you

It's learned

It grows and grows

I have so much hate to give

And the only one that deserves it

I’m sorry, I love you

I’m sorry, I loved you

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry you don’t love me anymore

I fuck up

I do

It’s my fault

I don’t text enough

I don’t call enough

I don’t do anything enough

I’m never enough

There once was a boy

Who put all he had into relationships

He gave his trust

Put his heart out in the world

Vulnerable to anything

Relationship after relationship

His heart being broken more and more

Being put out left to the world

His heart was tattered and torn

Every relationship was hell

One heartbreak after another

The world became dull

All he saw was hate

He soon gave up Pulling his heart away from society

He flinched from the movement of anyone

Guarding his heart

No more relationships

No more love

As days went by

His heart broke and tore

The pain of every relationship

Came flooding back “I’ll never love again”

That's what he said

Soon he became less and less

As days went by He made empty promises

“Just a little drop”

That's what he said As he downed the Bottle

“Just one smoke”

he said as he Finished the Pack

“Just one pill”

He said while He poured the bottle Out onto his hand

He took the pills quick

His heartbeat slowed

His pen glided across the paper

Just as the blade did to him

His heart spilled out onto that paper

He signed it with blood

Put it on his nightstand