spookie

I've tried.

I've tried so hard to connect with people. I ask questions, I try to learn new thing about everyone I know, I act loud and boisterous to get a laugh out of everyone even if it makes me look like a fool in return. I try and be there for people. Help them feel better. Be by their side even if they have no one else. I give advice. I try to at least. But even after everything I do it's all in vain. I'm boring. I've tried so hard not to be, but I can't run from it any longer. It gets proven time and time again and for some reason each time it shocks me. I don't know why. I know this. I've always known this. No matter how much I want to change that is one thing that stays the same no matter what I do.

Sometimes I wish I had a little camera I could carry around with me everywhere I go capturing life's little moments. Like such mundane things no one would usually ever think twice about. Going on a walk and I happen to see a cool looking pebble? Boom capturing that shit. I see a funky little bug one morning? Boom taking out my little camera. I know technically I could do all of this with my phone camera, but it doesn't feel the same for me. It doesn't capture the whimsiness of life. Life can be so precious sometimes and we as humans need to learn when to slow down and appreciate the things around us.

I'm 18 now. My childhood is fleeting away from me like a distant memory. I don't know how to feel. It feels like everything has passed me by so fast. I'm going to miss her. The little girl with wild messy hair and scrapped up knees from climbing trees. The crooked smile with missing teeth as I try and navigate the world around me. I'm going to miss it all. I wonder what life has in store for me now.

My mind is filled to the brim with words and ideas which can be quite overwhelming. I wanted to create this blog to write down all of my thoughts no matter how silly or weird. I don't have many creative outlets besides writing so I think this blog will be a very interesting journey! Come with me while I try to figure out this silly little thing called life!