Can’t stop listening to this. Also, perfect song for running.
RMH
Three Goblin Art
Xuebing Du
styofa doing anything
Sade Olutola

JBB: An Artblog!

oozey mess
Today's Document
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Misplaced Lens Cap

★
One Nice Bug Per Day

Kiana Khansmith
Stranger Things

Origami Around
AnasAbdin

ellievsbear
YOU ARE THE REASON

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@speckleofpixiedust
Can’t stop listening to this. Also, perfect song for running.

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Ach! I’m nervous as hell waiting for the result of my NZWH application. I haven’t received the email and when I checked on the page, status shown is ‘Application Received’. However, I can see my e-visa and in the e-visa, it’s written ‘Approved’!
What does this mean???
Damn.
So Broke
Need. More. Money.
I’ve made the decision of trying out as a part time Uber driver and I hope it will turn out alright. Well, it’s not that I am desperate/ in need of cash but I feel the extra bucks could do me good. What with the economy not being so great now and that our currency is so weak while the cost of living is increasing.
Also because I have travel plans coming up and yeah, these extra bucks could help. Well, what held me back slightly is that I’m just afraid of what people might think if they find out.
What will the people at workplace think or say if they happen to hail a ride and I’m the driver? What will friends say if they found out?
But you see, that has always been my problem. Caring too damn much about what others think which I shouldn’t, really. This one weakness of mine is also a disadvantage at work because sometimes, I should really just speak up if I feel there is something wrong but instead, I held it in. Sometimes (or is it all the time?), I’m just too damn politically correct and it can be damn irritating though.
This is the one thing that I’m also working on this year and I hope I can see some changes in me in terms of speaking up. I should really speak up more.
It has almost been an unbelievable journey these three weeks ever since the 20th of Jan 2017. I didn’t know what to expect when I decided that,
“Oh, perhaps I should apply for NZWH.”
After all, I have been talking about it for 7 years and I’ve always been making excuses. First, it was financial constriction, and then it was job commitment, and then loan commitment. Well this year, it was “Whats if I come back and couldn’t find a job for a long time??” - well, I know, that was a very lame excuse. It was valid, but lame nevertheless knowing that one couldn’t really tell what the future hold.
I asked a friend, should I or should I not. She gave her elaborated opinion, one which I highly appreciate of and I made up my mind to pursue it. The application date was on 5AM, 20th Jan (Malaysian time). I decided to make my way to Sudo Brew, a cafe which boasts of it’s fast speed internet and 24 hours operation hours. I was lucky and immensely grateful that Mr J decided to come along with me. I was there at 4AM, all logged in and prepared.
The time came and the registration was opened. I tried, oh I tried very hard, to load the pages and fill in the details/forms. Only thing was, the competition was extremely tough. By 10AM, I was still trying to load the pages. That was how bad it was. At the land of down under, my sister was battling out, trying endlessly on my behalf. At 1PM, still there weren’t any luck. By then, I was hungry (with very little money left) and I was very tired. Sister decided to ask me to go back and have lunch while she stayed on to help me fill up the form which she managed to but was stopped short at the final page. Before she could submit, the page stopped responding and there were numerous rumours and finally a notice was put up.
Please come back on 25th January 2017 for further update
W.T.F? Wtf was that suppose to mean??? Is the quota filled? Did anyone manage to get in? Am I suppose to now get up every day at 5AM try to submit the form while hoping someone will be disqualified?
And I did. Woke up at 5AM for the next 2 weeks to be exact! When 25th Jan came, no updates were given. Which to be honest, I was getting frustrated. All the time, what a coincident, I was also reading a book; a fable about chasing your dreams: The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. The famous quote:
And when you want something, all the universe will conspires in helping you to achieve it.
I tried to not lose hope until last week, finally there was an update:
The NZWH will open again on 10 Feb 2017
YAS THIS IS IT!! So yesterday, I woke up filled with hope. I have a good feeling but at the same time I was very nervous. I checked the form again and again. At 5AM, I hit ‘Send’ and say a little prayer of hope. It took the page 20 minutes to load and finally the payment page was shown. Immediately punched in my card number and voila, the payment was made!
I don’t know if my application will be approved but I hope it will and I have a good feeling it will be. And I know, it is out of my control now that I have done all I could. What I’ve never expected was the things that I learnt along the way during these time. I learnt about persistence and dreams. How badly you want something will says a lot about you. And if you want to achieve something real bad, you’d do anything you can within your power to achieve it.
I never know what does the future holds but right now deep down, I’m truly satisfied and I believe I have not felt this way for a long time.
Watched a video clip today and it was like a slap to my face. Sort of like a wake up call. I.Am.Ashamed. 7 years of working, no savings...student loan and credit card debt. Damn, this has to stop.
First, get rid of the credit card debt. Ugh.

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11.30AM
There's a meet tomorrow at the time mentioned with the bigger boss. I hope everything is okay and fine. I'm just a little nervous.
I'd Be Fine
Tomorrow, I will be organizing a new project for my community. I hope everything will turn out fine. I'm pretty sure it will. Will go in a little early in the morning to do a bit of preparation. The meet up will only starts at 4PM anyway so there are plenty of time. I'm just a little bit nervous but I'm sure I'll be able to do this. This morning, my determination surprises me. Halfway through my Insanity work out, my cramp got really bad. I lied down, rest a bit and when everything was okay again, I got up to continue where I left off. Times like this reminds me of how I can do something and achieve something when I really set my mind to it. Here's to tomorrow! Till then.
Missing You
Today I looked at my brother’s snap and suddenly, it dawned on me that he’s several thousand miles away in a different part of the world. And then I started to miss him.
Soon, my sister will be leaving as well to the land down under. I’m pretty sure I will be really sad about it. She is my constant weekend brunch company and I will surely have a hard time finding someone to eat with me during weekend.
Yes, people grew up and then apart. But I still cannot help feeling sad about it. Then I started to think about why am I still stuck in this rut. Will I ever get to drop everything and just fly halfway across the world and travel?
I long to just roam the earth, see and talk to people of different culture from mine and sometimes just be that nomadic traveler. I want to work few different odd jobs and not to worry about the sales target. I want to wake up every morning feeling fresh and new and looking forward to a new adventure.
That sense of adventure...hmmm.
I’m going to give the NZ working holiday a try next year. As in try my best to send in an application. If I got in, I’ll then decide what to do from there.
Also, I miss my grandpa.
Till then.
Hallow-een
Suddenly today I have a lot of worries. My health, my financial management...
Well, let’s start with health. My chest (where the heart is) sometimes give me a little discomfort feeling. And I don’t know if I think too much but I sometimes also feel a slight numbness on my left arm. Gawd I hope it’s not heart attack; I’m only 29. :(
My full body check up is scheduled to be on this Sunday so I hope everything goes well. And I secretly hope nothing happens and that everything will be fine until the check up is over.
On financial management; I have student loan that I am worried about. I did not pay consistently but I did pay once in awhile when I can. And now that they are getting stricter with the repayment history and all, this makes me worry a little because I don’t want my loan application to be rejected if I apply for housing loan in the near future.
Well, I’m starting to cultivate a habit where I will try and write something every night hence, this post.
I really hope everything will turn out fine as to what Mr J always likes to say to me.
Till then.
As a young woman, she wrote about death and illness and heartbreak, and other things she knew nothing about. She wanted desperately to write something inspiring, so she replicated shallow stories that made her cry during movies and television programs. But her empty words...

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I always enjoy our coffee session. It is the time when I get to discover bits and pieces about you and sometimes, some surprises too. Mine is always flat white and yours, always the chocolate base. You told me that I am the best thing that happens to you. Do you know it’s the same for me too? I never settle and I hope you know I did not settle with you. I chose to like and eventually fall in love with you because of who you are. I hope it’s the same with you too. That you never settle and that you decided it is me that you want to be with for a long time. I look forward to many coffee sessions with you. Many nights where we will spend lying next to each other and later waking up in each other’s arms. I look forward to kissing you on my tippy toes as well as our fun dates. I love you. To the moon and back.
It feels terrible to have your belongings taken away from you. It is awful. I wish I could cry but no tears came. Last week has been a rough week for me. I came home and the place I called home for 16 years have been broken into for the third time. The last time was years ago. I could not even remember when. Everything that defines me, my Macbook, my Lomography cameras, my iPod, my favourite perfumes were gone.
I was in a total shock to register what happened. Few minutes later, I collapsed having to register what just happened. It's terrible. Who would do this? Why did they do it? Why me?
Just the previous week my family was scarred by a hit-and-run that followed with a scammed that result in us NEARLY losing our brother to kidnapping. After the house was broken in, the next morning I woke up to my car window being smashed in. Again, who would do this? Today is the fifth day after what happened. Enough tears have been shed. I want to move on. I need to move on. I need to slowly rebuild my life again. Picking up those bits and pieces left behind.
Writing this out definitely makes me feel better. The worst is over now. I am sure better things are coming.
Falling asleep and waking up next to you probably is the best thing in my life that I could ever ask for. Those kisses exchanged and you telling me how much you love me. Sigh. A good sigh. :)
There is a reason why I said this before. I said, never take an argument to bed. Never sleep on it and sleep it off. Settle it before going to bed. Guess you never know the real reason behind it. It is because I could stay up all night thinking about it and I would not be able to sleep because of this. Such is my weakness. I wish I could go to bed. Sleep and pretend that nothing happened. Sadly, I can't.
We were introduced for the first time last year. I didn't like you at first. Little did I know that you would become the love of my life a year later.
We have so many similarities. We love burgers. We both love Taylor. We love to read and we love books.
All I know is that I love you. So much. And I know this is thing we call love is here to stay.

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I am ashamed. At the age of 27, I am still pretty weak when it comes to financial management. I am a mess. I practically have to borrow a little from my sibling every time it is almost month end.
This have to stop immediately. So I am drafting a plan. An emergency one. will cut down on going out (social wise) and try to be REALLY frugal next month.
*fingers crossed* I really need to do this.
It has been a week since I said "okay" and my status is changed. No longer single but attach to you.
It has been a magical and at the same time, an unbelievable week. Part of me still sometimes finds it hard to believe that you feel the same and that you asked me to be your girlfriend. I know how you said relationship and commitment isn't the thing you were looking for before this but I am thankful that you decided to take that leap of faith. And that you decided not to let me go. I am grateful for that.
Like you said, "One step at a time and we'll get there. And we will cross the bridge together when we get there."
I realized I love you a lot. Though sometimes I might not show it but I actually do. I hope we will create more memories in time to come. I will stand by you in difficult time and will always have your back.