Goodboy Bindle Featherstone

i love when women have a deeper or raspier voice. its very charming

Listen, little brother, it's critical to the storyline that you get kicked in the balls. No, I'm not mad at you, it's just core to my artistic vision that you get kicked really hard in the balls

nya nya nya meow meow meow meow

one of my favorite hobbies is not being a parent

there are places in the world today that are experiencing 40°C for the first time in recorded history. of course there's no way to know whether chucking billionaires into volcanos will appease the sun god but i feel we're doing the scientific method a disservice if we don't at least try

I need to stop replying to “how do you make friends in your 30s?” threads because all my answers boil down to “you have to want to know people instead of have friends” and I don’t think people wanna hear that

well, no, i didn’t expect leopards to eat my face, but this obviously wasn’t what the leopards eating people's face party wanted. they were stifled by their opposition and bureaucratic red tape! i think we should give more power to the leopard eating face party, so the leopards only eat the faces of people who deserve it. plus they just put a new leopard in charge of the face eating, and i think this one really brings something new to the table. so yes i'm voting for the leopards eating people's face party again. why wouldn't i.

”How come you’ve never seen the Amazon rainforest if you’re from Brazil?” big country

Wait, hold on, I can illustrate it in a funnier way

resteraunts will call themselves gastropubs and eateries so they don’t have to spell restarunt

free my girl she did all that and that’s what makes her such a compellingly complex character. that’s her essence