sparkledog

POV : me and @crowbaby size you up

" thoughts of the shortness of life may beget bouts of shortness of breath in your chest - doubts about the worth of the nights you got left "

and i just think about it literally constantly.

i went to lunch with a client of mine a while back, and she is in her 40's now. she told me it was jarring to think there was more of her life behind her than ahead of her. i ended up drinking alone at girls afterwards because that comment fucked me up.

i spend a lot of time thinking about how bad i dont want to keep going. i cannot express how much i hate this world. i didn't ask for this. i didn't want things to turn out this way.

im not going to off myself because i have to feed my cat and fist fight my sister for funsies but my fucking god this is a bleak existence and i dont know how anyone gets through it.

like i am on so much anxiety medication now because i actually cannot function anymore. it's just constant flight or fight, existential dread, and pleading to reverse the clock and undo me. i have no motivation at all because none of it matters in the end. everything i love will perish so will i, and none of what we experience will have mattered.

yeah i bet those swaying trees and wildflowers are beautiful. yeah i bet its nice listening to nature without city white noise. but heaven forbid any of the local wildlife get too close or make you uncomfy after you bought a house built in the center of their home.

i turned 30 this month.

jesse and i separated. i live alone with our cat in a tiny studio now. we're still hanging out but i think i'm ready to let go. we spent 11 years together. i have a lot of happy memories and a lot of miserable and toxic memories.

i still do hair. it doesn't pay the bills and it has started sucking the life out of me. but at least i don't answer to a corporate overlord.

i cut things off with my long distance best friend of like 14 years because he didn't vote. i'll store him in the vault of ex best friends who fucking suck, alongside alex, who i cut off for ignoring me to hang out with the girl jesse cheated on me with. classy, right ? yall ever been platonically in love with someone ? i'm still mad about this and it was like 5 years ago.

i went to therapy. i did make improvements for a while, but i dont really care anymore because we're all gonna die soon anyway. im still taking my anxiety meds though because i could not fucking function. like when that shit with the drones coming out of the ocean was happening i was having panic attacks about it in the middle of cutting peoples hair lmao.

If you're stopping by my blog because you're mad at me because you cant stop supporting and or defending factory farming, You are actually fucking stupid and I can't help you. I'm not going to do your homework for you. Do the research and educate yourself.

Anyway I think every single one of yall defending factory farming should have to kill and dress an animal by your own hands. I also think it should be one of your pets, because it's just an animal after all. You'll be using all the parts so it's okay. You have to keep it in a tiny cage and let it wallow around in its own piss and shit for a few months first. You also have to artificially inseminate it a few times so it makes babies to suffer the same shitty existence. If it gets an infection or something don't worry about it, it'll die soon anyway. Then you can look it in the eyes and put a bolt in it's brain. Now you're free to eat and wear it however you like !

Oh you wouldn't do it that way ? Why ? It's the most cost effective way, and is standard in real life. Idk what fantasy world you live in but food and clothing animals don't get to roam in big green fields and play in the sun.