sparkbird

• Can I use your song for [thing]? Almost definitely, as long as you're not monetizing it. (If you are making money off of it, you may need a license. Contact Annie at [email protected].)

• Will you ever tour in [the UK/Europe/Australia/Florida/etc.]? Hopefully someday! Unfortunately touring is very expensive and complicated, and much like the bloodsucking undead, I can only go where I've been invited.

All I know right now is that I only expect to play a few shows in 2026. Beyond that, I don't imagine I'll ever be an artist who tours extensively—I don't have the following for it, and in my experience I also don't think I'm built for it. (So if I'm playing a show nearby and you want to see me someday, it's probably worth making it happen now. I think that's true for all artists you want to see, though. You rarely know what the last opportunity is until it's too late.)

• What if I can't afford a ticket? Email me at [email protected]. I can generally put a few names on the guest list.

• I'm coming to your show—can I bring you a gift? While I certainly don't expect gifts, you're welcome to bring small ones. I'm not able to accept gifts while I'm on stage, because I'm only allotted a certain amount of time, and it's important for me to use that time doing my job as a performer. If you can't find me before or after my set, the merch table is a safe place to drop something off.

Note: I avoid all animal products and by-products, including craft feathers, wool, and leather. (No need to apologize or feel bad if you've given me something that includes these—I recognize that my lifestyle is somewhat unconventional. Regardless of the materials, I always appreciate the care that goes into these gifts, and I do keep them.)

• Do you have sheet music for your songs? Some of them—scroll down on this page. (Note: when you order sheet music, I have to email it to you; it doesn't give it to you immediately.)

• What are your boundaries around fanart/fanfics? Your art is your art. Make the art you want and need to make.

you may think it would bring me great pleasure to share this grisly photograph.

in fact, it brings me only tears and heartache.

so much has transpired over the past month, i scarcely know where to begin.

you may recall keavy-jane the bounty-hunter snail, and her oath to recapture jeremy ricky within 30 days.

you may also recall that keavy-jane suffered the loss of one eye when a “peaceful” cow-dragon grazed it right off her head.

while we waited for kj’s eye to regenerate, she and i began attending jeremy ricky’s tech rehearsals for romeo & juliet. not openly, of course. kj disposed of a couple of the show’s crew members and we began doing their jobs in disguise.

kj became the production’s intimacy coordinator, while i assumed the role of jeremy ricky’s wig supervisor. our disguises were wigs, which helped me practice for my fake job.

for the first few days, kj and i left the theater buzzing with excitement over our murderous schemes.

but by opening night, something had shifted.

maybe it was the passion jeremy ricky poured into his portrayal of juliet. maybe it was the way he complimented keavy-jane on her new eye when it finally emerged. maybe it was the fumes from the wig adhesive.

or maybe it was the spirit of pride month, and the power of live theatre.

keavy-jane felt it too. as the first performance ended, i noticed that her old eye and her new one were both glistening with tears.

“maybe it’s time we put this vendetta behind us,” i whispered. keavy-jane nodded, too verklempt to speak.

still in disguise, we approached jeremy ricky in his dressing room and invited him to a celebratory drag brunch the next morning. we figured the best time to reveal our true identities would be after a daytime jamboree of waffles, laughter, and lip sync battles.

“it’s funny,” jeremy ricky said, “you two remind me a little of some folks i’d rather forget, but you’re not like them at all. you really care.” he smiled, though his eyes were as haunted as always. “i was thinking of going to the cast party, but you know what, screw it! i’ll go to bed early so i can hang out with the wig supervisor and intimacy coordinator whose names i don’t even know.”

all the way home, keavy-jane and i couldn’t stop giggling and talking about how wrong we were about jeremy ricky. i also confessed my aspiration to find more work as a wig supervisor, but doing it the old-fashioned way, by applying and interviewing. no more mercenary snail assassins for me.

kj didn’t respond. she’d fallen asleep to the rocking of the subway car, her angelic little head stuck to my shoulder. i carried her to our lair and tucked her into her habitat.

brunch was a roaring success, as far as meals go. the waffles were crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside. the maple syrup was real, not the cheap stuff.

a bossy drag queen named totalitarian régine commanded me, keavy-jane, and jeremy ricky to participate in a dance-off to the britney spears hit “toxic”. we danced and laughed so hard i thought we might lose our waffles.

but keavy-jane lost something else: her wig. you’d think the mucus would have kept it in place, but no.

i turned to jeremy ricky in horror, expecting to see his eyes even wider than usual. but he showed no surprise over the revelation that keavy-jane wasn’t a bombshell blonde.

shame-faced, i removed my own flowing pink curls.

at this, totalitarian régine kicked us out for stealing her thunder. i can’t say i blame her.

we crossed the street from the bruncherie and entered prospect park. “i figured it out days ago,” jeremy ricky said as we walked. “and honestly… it means so much that you’d go to such great lengths to support my acting career.”

keavy-jane and i exchanged a glance. “yes,” i said. “that was exactly our motivation.”

“i’m just glad we can all be friends now,” keavy-jane said.

“friends for life,” jeremy ricky said warmly.

suddenly a bilateral gynandromorph northern cardinal swooped down.

“i’m fish,” the bird said.

and then the bird named fish eviscerated my friends while i stood screaming and sobbing, powerless to help.

so i guess i’ll be processing that for a while.