𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬

Her eyes narrowed at the severity of the woman’s words. She could understand the anguish that would lead her there, but still, it was such certainty, such conviction. Was it all that different from the Empire’s view of the rebellion? Were they all so determined that they would not see the depths they would reach in their pursuit?

“You think every person who has supported the Empire does so out of a malicious intent?” the question was asked before she could stop to consider the implications, and her tone was perhaps a touch harsher than she would have liked. But she had never been a fan of war, she had worked so hard to be rid of it, to keep her people free from the ravages of war, she wasn’t entirely sure she was capable of impartiality on the topic. “You think only your life would be taken in war? Hundreds, thousands, perhaps millions will die in this fight, and they may not be as aware of the Empire’s actions as you. People who simply need to make a living, caught up in the Empire’s factions will die, just as your friends may also.” she paused, the intensity of her speech falling into despair as she added softly, almost forlornly, “there are no winners in war…”

“ of course not! ” she sounded defensive, but it was impossible not to. there was too much passion behind the words, and too much fire inside of leia to let anything go without a fight. especially when it came to her own ideals. “i have friends who were part of the empire, and i trust in them as much as any other rebel. but would i forgive and forget someone like mas amedda? or all the high officers watching the galaxy burn while they give the orders? not really.” it was hard not to think about darth vader. where luke had found compassion for someone who had once been a man, leia could only see terror.

“ you think i don’t know that? my planet was destroyed. because they could, and because they wanted to make me watch it. ” different points of view were the base of politics, but leia hated not being understood. be it in senate or an abandoned building. “ my people are a hundred survivors trying to cope with losing everything. my people are all the troops that i watched be massacred for no good reason. and giving up means failing them. ” leia was raised to be a queen and the alliance was her way of serving the galaxy. fighting until they were safe or she was dead. " i don't know who you are... but i don't think you understand what we've already been through. "

the answer was that of a poised politician and it earns half a lift of her lips, though a part of her had really wanted that answer of her daughter, not an esteemed rebellion leader. the decision was ultimately her own to make, but she would want the input of those closest to her before proceeding with any course of action. those closest… except for anakin. “you’re right, we aren’t,” she agreed with a nod of her head. safety for herself wasn’t her highest concern. explaining the fact that she was alive and herself, not some imposter, would be difficult. not everyone would be as accepting as luke and leia, because not everyone could feel that it was the truth in the same way. “i’ll have to think more on it. there are a few others in my… position who i’d like to speak to about it first.” satine certainly was the first one on her mind. the other would understand wholly, she was certain.

a nod followed in understanding, not entirely certain of the man that mas amedda must have turn into in the last twenty years, but willing to make a certain guess or two. all of the empire… it was horrific. to think that the republic that she had served so dutifully for years had transformed into that, had already been in the process of becoming it before she had died… it had to come to an end. “probably. she’s always been exceptional,” she agreed with a nod of her head. “i know that you probably want to get back out there, but perhaps for one evening, i could convince you to lay low.”

it would be easy to let it go, and thrust in padmé to make a sensible choice. leia did trust her, but things were never as simple as that. “ i’m sure you’ll make the best choice, but try to stay safe, alright? there are too many ways of getting killed right now. ” the empire had never been merciful, but leia suspected they would become especially brutal. it tended to happen when someone was struggling to keep whatever power they still had in check. 

he wonders which is worse : to miss what you have lost, or to long for what you have never known. they are different types of sadness that sit similarly in your chest, on your shoulders. the worst pains have a way of becoming physical. “it seems as if the harder you try to hold onto a memory, the faster it fades.” he can’t remember what his father looks like. he has tried for so long to recall the warmth of his smile, the way his eyes danced, & he knows with absolute certainty that he could pick him out of a lineup by feeling alone, but he could not tell you what he looks like.

leia is right, he knows. cassian has fought his whole life for a better future, has died for it. but — he can’t picture what that future looks like. he sees stock images of a green planet, children scampering around a house, never having to hold a blaster again. but there’s no emotional attachment to it, no connection. the faces blur. how could he live a life like that, with his hands that will never be clean ? he’ll win this war if it kills him, but what will he do when it’s over ? who will he be ?

he realizes now that he has never once expected to survive it.

“it’s a high ideal. a worthy one, too.”

his words sting, because they’re true. leia is good at holding onto things, believing in ideals with so much strength they have to become a reality. but memories are slippery, and particularly treacherous. some of them managed to brand itself in her brain, not just images but feelings. the warmth of a sunny day with her parents, the excitement of being in senate for the first time, the chill before a battle she knows is lost. the void when alderaan exploded. still, leia would quickly choose to only remember the pain before forgetting everything. and she doesn’t. there’s also so much happiness. “ maybe some memories are just feelings and a bit of imagination… i think that’s okay. ”

they’re both on the same page with the rebellion, but it still doesn’t feel right. “ can i tell you something, captain? ” leia doesn’t expect for an answer. she never does, and will not be starting any time soon. “ it’s a very noble thing, to fight for the future of others. but sometimes it’s okay to be selfish… ” cassian died for the cause. the same way so many others did, the same way she would have. but would all of them keep fighting? she knows all about being a hero, but it isn’t a fair burden.

heroes don’t get to live like normal people.

in a war, most of them don’t get to live at all.

“that makes two of us, then.” she should probably feel guilty, talking about hating slavers when she works for gardulla, but she doesn’t, though she’s keenly aware of the dangers of shittalking her boss. she just takes the credits, doesn’t support the ideals. maybe, in another galaxy, she wouldn’t, but in this one, she’s simply in too deep to get out now. besides, what other choices had she had ? she was a kid alone on tatooine. she’s turned out surprisingly decent, all things considered. “no, i’m not. i’ll be gone in two days — hopefully that’s soon enough.” podraces stopped for no cause.

“I could say the same to you,” Juno pointed out, she was sure that Leia wasn’t taking as many breaks as she probably should, either. It was a chronic problem in the rebellion, only exacerbated when they lost a lot of people. There was always work that needed doing. “I believe that more than ever, despite the circumstances. We need a win though, we gotta show the galaxy we’re still in this.”

“can’t say i blame you for that.” the years had not been kind to both of them — the force had not been kind to both of them. there were moments where luke was so righteously angry at the galaxy for putting this neverending weight on his shoulders, for taking everything from him at the same time that it handed him so much responsibility. but he was helping people. he had to always remind himself that he was helping people, because that came before anything else, came before any concern about his own life. “honor & glory & … a statue in the middle of coruscant ! “

he took her hand when she reached for him, giving it a light, reassuring squeeze. no matter how tough things got, he would always be by her side. he watched the sight in front of them with a little more warmth, though it faded quickly at her words. “yes, we are.” they would send a message, one louder than the one the empire had just tried to. that was the one thing that the imperials could never seem to get : nothing was going to stop the rebellion. even if they killed every leader, every tactician, every spokesman, the people would still want to be free. spirit wasn’t an easy thing to destroy.

she hummed, amused with the idea. in a grim manner, it made her think of her parent’s memorial in the old rebellion base, which she always refused to look at. was marble and stone the only thing left after someone’s gone? “ we should go there. to coruscant, when all this is over and everyone is allowed to walk on the streets without fear. ” leia had to believe there would be an end, even if they were not yet facing it. and even if she wasn’t one to fantasize about the future, a little hope could go a long way.

Galen mulled over the words. Sometimes anger and hatred are deserved and right. He thought about Endor. How he’d thrown himself on top of Juno, terrified of what might happen to her if he didn’t protect her. He thought of the screams of everyone around him as shrapnel flew through the air and cut into their skin. He thought of the gut-wrenching, all consuming pain and misery that accompanied his former master’s many betrayals. 

Then, he thought about holding his master at his mercy, with the killing strike aimed, only to refuse to submit to the dark side in his final moments. 

“No. I don’t agree.” His answer surprised even himself. Shifting, somewhat uncomfortably, Galen looked to Leia. “It’s a dangerous path. I think we should all be aware of our feelings, and that we don’t necessarily have to push them down…but even for those who aren’t force sensitive, anger and hatred can lead to dire consequences.” Opening himself up to real connection was no easy task for Galen. For so long, his very existence had been a secret. Friends, comrades, a team - all of those things were still new to him. 

leia frowned, crossing her arms and listening to galen. he was right, in a way, and she knew it. that was the worst part. the rebel smilled bitterly at the mention of the force, thinking back tot he time she strangled jabba with her bare hands - and her hate. could a good action, done with ( mostly ) good intents, be really evil? after all, leia was not a “force user”. she was a general in a war.

“i am too.” even if she would have at one point called all of this impossible, padmé could not and would not ignore the immense amount of gratitude that she felt to get to know and work beside her children, especially for such a noble cause. her heart still ached for all that they had been through, what had happened with her death and everything that anakin had turned into… but maybe being here offered a chance to heal.

no one would know, unless told, that padmé was luke and leia’s mother. there was no reason to suspect it, as far as she knew, given the public assumption that her child had died with her. the imagery of her own funeral was still haunting in her mind, beautiful and so pregnant and so very dead. “i’m not sure how much sway i have now, but perhaps… it might be beneficial to go a little more public with being alive.” if it could give her pull, a new opportunity to support them even in secret, then it could be worth the risk. “it seems like that’s another thing that we share in common. i may… have done a little spying myself. on behalf of the jedi council and republic, of course.” anakin hadn’t been a fan of what had happened with rush clovis, and everything about that in the end had been a disaster. “what do you think? with palpatine dead – would it be worth the galaxy knowing padmé amidala is alive?”

“i think the decision is up to you. remaining in the shadows may be a safer option, but.... as long as the empire stands, i’m not sure any of us are truly safe.” leia didn’t like the idea of putting people she cared about in danger, but that had been a part of her life for a long time. there was no leia organa without rebellions and wars, and she knew her place in the galaxy. or at least she used to, before things started to get so much more complicated. she sighed, resting her hands on the couch and looking around the apartment. a relic from the past, still filled with the memories of war and pain. but there was also love. be it from leia’s own imagination, sprung from the things padmé told her, or just a feeling that had been strong enough for someone to sense it. no war was truly hopeless, and certainly not the one they were living in.

it didn’t quite unsettle them only because they knew that there weren’t alone, and that by the company that kept them from being alone… well, it certainly made things all the more complicated for the rebellion and for leia specifically. soon enough, she was sure mother and son would run into each other. “i’ve always taken care of myself,” they gave a slight shrug of their shoulder, arms folding in front of their ribcage. “but if rey is sticking around the rebellion, then i’m sure we’ll continue to see each other.”

a deep breath pulled in through her nose and padmé nodded her head, knowing that what leia was saying was the truth. even if it was something that had taken over twenty years and far too many lives had been split, it was being done. that was worth something. padmé finished braiding and and pulling them together into one cohesive and complicated braid, more suited for running around than a politician’s work. “there,” she murmured once she was done, placing her hand on leia’s shoulder and giving it a soft squeeze.

“of course,” her response was a little quicker than even she expected it to be. “there’s nowhere else that i rather be than with you and your brother, leia.” they would remain her priority. she knew that she needed to find a way to reach back into anakin and pull him back to the light, but even that fell second to her desire to be around and protect her children. that was just another way to go about then and… maybe, just maybe getting back the man that she had once loved. “i’ve heard mas amedda is still here.” admittedly, she’d never thought much of him as he stood in palpatine’s shadow. “i’m sure that he’s hiding out somewhere. there are many safe houses and precautions always taken in the senate district. i’m sure they’re different now than they were back then. he would know exactly who i am, but i’m not certain if that’s an advantage or not.”

her hand wandered to the hair, feeling the intricate twists with a smile.she got up with a graceful hop, buzzing with energy after the quiet moment. still, she remained on padmé’s side, not quite ready to leave their little bubble just yet. “ for all that is worth i’m... really happy you’re here. ” leia was not sure what else she could say. she hated not knowing what to do, but no etiquette class or royal advice prepared her for having her dead ( and until then unknown ) mother back. “ real you is better than anything i could come up with as a child. ”

a step closer to getting under the general’s skin, that much aiya could tell from facial expression alone. they refrained from reaching out toward the other in the force just yet, not wanting to push the boundaries between them too far just yet. let it appear as a blunt personality, a lack of awareness in the words. save it for the moment that it would hurt more.

“at least i’m not stuck in the future,” they offered with a shrug. “it’s not so bad to navigate when you know what happens.” a brief moment of wondering if there was some child version of theirself wandering around –– barely a baby. they don’t quite remember the first few years, other than a sense of coldness. “i’m not sure what help the rebellion could offer me. time travel isn’t exactly a science that’s been built and there are no force users in this time capable of… more rare abilities.”

obi-wan couldn’t see anakin as an emperor, even as he remembered the speech vader had given on mustafar when he talked about his new empire. no, anakin had always been much more … personally motivated. he had always put it that way, but he supposed now there was a much more honest way to phrase it : selfish. anakin had been selfish, had only really cared for those close to him. for padmé, for ahsoka, now luke. ( obi-wan didn’t include himself on that list anymore. he thought himself a fool for ever doing so in the past. ) he had fought for the people he loved endlessly, & would have done anything for them, but surely he knew that becoming the emperor would only push them further away. they were all staunch rebels, after all. no, anakin wouldn’t. then again … anakin wasn’t the man they were dealing with.

“yes, that could prove a problem.” he shook his head slightly, agreeing with her unwillingness to think about it. there was no use dwelling on horrors that could come ; now was the time to focus on what actually was happening. “we can capitalize on the momentum from endor. i’ll ask around, see where i can be of the most use.” service, service, service. that always had been & always would be obi-wan’s driving force — had always been the jedi order’s driving force.

“it is selfish,” he replied easily, listening to her speak with gentle understanding. “but it’s very human, very understandable. no one could blame you for wanting your brother’s safety. nor for wanting vader dead. he has done … atrocious things.” it hurt to say. as much as he was forcing himself to try to hate anakin, it still hurt to say. he thought that it always would. he watched leia carefully for a moment, studying her too familiar expression. “you remind me of a jedi master i knew, once. his name was mace windu. he was one of the greatest men i have ever known ; that the order had ever seen.” he paused for a moment, pretended that he wasn’t collecting himself, that the memory of his dead friend didn’t burn. “ & he was deeply, righteously angry. vengeful, too, & he admitted to it, though it had never been the jedi way. master windu believed that anger was not an inherently negative thing. that … it could be used, processed. that it came from real pain, & should not be discounted just because of the hurt it could cause, how close to the dark it strayed. so long as you never let it shape you, change who you were. it did not work for many people, but it worked for him. there was no one as committed to light, to justice, to the republic as he.” he narrowly stopped himself from trailing off, grounded himself once more. “i think he would tell you that you’re right to be angry. that no one can take that from you, & they shouldn’t try to, either. simply to be careful that it doesn’t rule you — that you remember the good motivating you, too, not just the bad.”

he gave her a hint of a rueful smile afterwards, some of the gravity leaving his voice. “we were very different people. he was far wiser than i. i think his view would serve you better than mine.” obi-wan had always tried to avoid his anger, to clear his mind & never let it sway him, to force himself to let go of it completely. he had tried to teach that to anakin, too, but it clearly hadn’t gone well. he knew better than to try the same again. though he wasn’t entirely sure if the fault lay in the principle itself or in his execution of it.

leia nodded slightly, barely a shake of her head while a thousand ideas and plans started to form. obi-wan was right, what happened in endor could be of use. the empire’s only strategy seemed to be fear, and that was exactly what the alliance needed to push against. “ mon mothma can probably help you with that. ” even if leia still didn’t trust obi-wan, not completely, she was sure the woman would know what to do with him. mothma was able to mix passion and realism far better than leia ever would.

his words, paired with that much understanding... leia crossed her arms, getting ready for the moment when obi-wan would surely chastise her line of thought. expect it never came. instead, he spoke of the jedi, but in a way that made leia question everything she thought about the old, lost organization. mace windu didn’t sound like an almost mythical warrior, rooted in the light but ( perhaps ) blind to everything else. the anger, vengeance, pain... they were all things the princess knew too well. there was clearly something more to that story, more pain than obi-wan was letting show, but leia didn’t think he was lying. “ i didn't know there were jedi who thought like this. ” she didn’t know much at all about them, did she? stories of another time, things she guessed or caught by watching her brother. “ you know... whenever i look at the sky, my eyes wander to where alderaan used to be. it makes me bitter, and resentful but it also reminds me of what matters. all the people who were not as lucky as i was. ” hiding in anger was better than hiding in grief. it made her look strong, like the leader she was once supposed to be. “ maybe mace windu was right. this... feeling was the only thing that kept me going after my parents were gone. ” somedays, it was still the only thing that seemed to exist in the void alderaan once occupied.

her head nodded in agreement. all of the suspicions that she’d held about palpatine had always been about his situation, not about him personally –– they’d all been worried about the power that he’d held and continued to hold. even if it was at the senate’s behest, it had not been all of the senators who had wanted his term to continue to stretch on. the delegation of 2,000 had been against that. “your father, mon mothma, and i were all apart of it.” be good little senators. mind your manners and keep your heads down. and keep doing all those things we can’t talk about. padmé remembered telling her father those things vividly. “near the end of the clone wars, we were all concerned about palpatine’s use of emergency powers and his continued term, among other things. we saw that the republic was no longer what it was meant to be, but we were too late to stop it.” what could they have done? she’d wanted to confide in obi-wan, to see if there was anything that the jedi council could do. in the end, it hadn’t mattered.

“good.” that was all that she could hope for now, that she could really and truly invest herself into: the safety of her family, of those she loved the most ( obi-wan and ahsoka included by extension, of course, always ). leia’s hair braided into delicate and intricate twists, the style much more resemblant of those found on naboo. “i’m glad to assist in whatever way i can, whether that’s politics or fighting.” she assured. “as for coruscant… well, it’s hard to say what’s going to happen here.”

leia couldn’t stop the smile from spreading through her face. even before the empire and all its atrocities, it seemed as if her parents were already willing to put on a fight for justice. “ you may have been too late then, but we’re doing it now. ” was it sad that leia couldn’t even imagine a life without having to fight against the empire? even when she was a child, before the alliance or the senate, there had always been something wrong in the galaxy. private conversations her parents would have in rushed tones, the somber faces of their senate friends. 

Satine held her tongue at the woman’s questions. She had been to Alderaan, had seen its beauty with her own two eyes, but she could not tell her this. It would be too easy to slip up, to mention those she had known a lifetime before now, in her time. It would be too easy to give herself away, and she was not about to do so to a stranger.

But then, was she such a stranger? She had shown her hand, had shown her alliance, and there was something so very relatable in her speech. Satine felt the same of her own home, so destroyed by the so called might of the Empire, she would give almost too much to see it as it once was instead of the shambles of the current time. “I have no doubt,” she offered with a nod of understanding, truly believing the determination behind her words, even if she could not be certain of the others within the rebellion, “although there is a thin line between protection and revenge.”

“But what of the others? What of those unaligned? Those stuck in the crossfire of a war they did not wish to be apart of?” the questions seemed to roll off her tongue, one following another in quick succession before she could stop them. “And what happens then?” her voice was softer now, curiosity mingling with sadness at the thought of the aftermath of war. “Will you take out all of the empire and its people? What if they then rebel in return?”

leia knew this woman understood her, maybe even agreed with some of her words. and yet, she refused to really show it, rooted on her own ideals. it was something leia could admire, maybe even relate to, but she was fighting a war. there was no real place for those who decided to remain unaligned while the empire kept destroying planets and families.

“ yes, but the lines can be blurred. some types of revenge may even be justified. ” was there any other way of describing what she wanted to do against the empire? destroy them to make the galaxy safer, yes, but also for all they had already done. for all the people who, like her, where left without homes or families.

“ none of us wished to be a part of this war. we did what we had to. ” leia frowned, pressing her hands against the building’s balcony and watching coruscant. a moment of chaos followed by peace would always be better than remaining under the control of tyrants. “ if we do our job, maybe there will be no empire left to rebel. ” forgiving those who had no choice and punishing those in power, who used innocent lives to rise up in the ranks and cause even more destruction. was that such a bold stance? “ i would give my own life for peace, a thousand times. but never under the empire. ”