obi-wan couldn’t see anakin as an emperor, even as he remembered the speech vader had given on mustafar when he talked about his new empire. no, anakin had always been much more … personally motivated. he had always put it that way, but he supposed now there was a much more honest way to phrase it : selfish. anakin had been selfish, had only really cared for those close to him. for padmé, for ahsoka, now luke. ( obi-wan didn’t include himself on that list anymore. he thought himself a fool for ever doing so in the past. ) he had fought for the people he loved endlessly, & would have done anything for them, but surely he knew that becoming the emperor would only push them further away. they were all staunch rebels, after all. no, anakin wouldn’t. then again … anakin wasn’t the man they were dealing with.
“yes, that could prove a problem.” he shook his head slightly, agreeing with her unwillingness to think about it. there was no use dwelling on horrors that could come ; now was the time to focus on what actually was happening. “we can capitalize on the momentum from endor. i’ll ask around, see where i can be of the most use.” service, service, service. that always had been & always would be obi-wan’s driving force — had always been the jedi order’s driving force.
“it is selfish,” he replied easily, listening to her speak with gentle understanding. “but it’s very human, very understandable. no one could blame you for wanting your brother’s safety. nor for wanting vader dead. he has done … atrocious things.” it hurt to say. as much as he was forcing himself to try to hate anakin, it still hurt to say. he thought that it always would. he watched leia carefully for a moment, studying her too familiar expression. “you remind me of a jedi master i knew, once. his name was mace windu. he was one of the greatest men i have ever known ; that the order had ever seen.” he paused for a moment, pretended that he wasn’t collecting himself, that the memory of his dead friend didn’t burn. “ & he was deeply, righteously angry. vengeful, too, & he admitted to it, though it had never been the jedi way. master windu believed that anger was not an inherently negative thing. that … it could be used, processed. that it came from real pain, & should not be discounted just because of the hurt it could cause, how close to the dark it strayed. so long as you never let it shape you, change who you were. it did not work for many people, but it worked for him. there was no one as committed to light, to justice, to the republic as he.” he narrowly stopped himself from trailing off, grounded himself once more. “i think he would tell you that you’re right to be angry. that no one can take that from you, & they shouldn’t try to, either. simply to be careful that it doesn’t rule you — that you remember the good motivating you, too, not just the bad.”
he gave her a hint of a rueful smile afterwards, some of the gravity leaving his voice. “we were very different people. he was far wiser than i. i think his view would serve you better than mine.” obi-wan had always tried to avoid his anger, to clear his mind & never let it sway him, to force himself to let go of it completely. he had tried to teach that to anakin, too, but it clearly hadn’t gone well. he knew better than to try the same again. though he wasn’t entirely sure if the fault lay in the principle itself or in his execution of it.
leia nodded slightly, barely a shake of her head while a thousand ideas and plans started to form. obi-wan was right, what happened in endor could be of use. the empire’s only strategy seemed to be fear, and that was exactly what the alliance needed to push against. “ mon mothma can probably help you with that. ” even if leia still didn’t trust obi-wan, not completely, she was sure the woman would know what to do with him. mothma was able to mix passion and realism far better than leia ever would.
his words, paired with that much understanding... leia crossed her arms, getting ready for the moment when obi-wan would surely chastise her line of thought. expect it never came. instead, he spoke of the jedi, but in a way that made leia question everything she thought about the old, lost organization. mace windu didn’t sound like an almost mythical warrior, rooted in the light but ( perhaps ) blind to everything else. the anger, vengeance, pain... they were all things the princess knew too well. there was clearly something more to that story, more pain than obi-wan was letting show, but leia didn’t think he was lying. “ i didn't know there were jedi who thought like this. ” she didn’t know much at all about them, did she? stories of another time, things she guessed or caught by watching her brother. “ you know... whenever i look at the sky, my eyes wander to where alderaan used to be. it makes me bitter, and resentful but it also reminds me of what matters. all the people who were not as lucky as i was. ” hiding in anger was better than hiding in grief. it made her look strong, like the leader she was once supposed to be. “ maybe mace windu was right. this... feeling was the only thing that kept me going after my parents were gone. ” somedays, it was still the only thing that seemed to exist in the void alderaan once occupied.
suddenly, leia felt very young, and wide eyed in a way she hadn’t been in many years. she wanted to know more about this jedi master, but the questions died on her tongue. even to her, discussing the past was like a very elaborated trap, and any step on the wrong direction could lead to things leia didn’t want to think about. and obi-wan seemed to carry even more ghosts in his eyes. instead, she shrugged, letting her arms go of the defensive stance. “ maybe. but you shouldn’t worry too much. luke may be on the look for a wise old mentor, but i am not. ”