the thing these people don’t get about living your life every single day as a person of color in every single space you enter is that you always experience the racism that’s present there. and you want to talk about it because it’s your experience. I have spent my entire life talking about racism. and it’s almost always received in this sort of manner, with denial and downplaying and making me out to be the aggressor for bringing it up. but I keep doing it, because it keeps being true to the life I live. I don’t get to like… turn it off or opt out of it. It’s exhausting and demoralizing and dehumanizing. it straight up shortens people’s lifespans to be treated this way. but I keep talking about it. because I don’t have any other choice. because it’s baked in to my experience of the world. like I bet it would feel nice to get to say that it’s not that big a deal and to prioritize other things. but I literally don’t get to because it always affects me. it always will. they don’t get why I want to bring it up and I don’t get why they feel so comfortable ignoring it.
all of these people will continue to pat themselves on the back for how enlightened and anti-racist and progressive they are. they will not examine this behavior because it does not effect them. And I have been given yet another reminder of how hostile the world has been set up to be for people like me. that it doesn’t matter how carefully I phrase myself or how hard I try to make people understand. I will always be in the losing position because that’s what more comfortable for people like them. my experiences don’t really matter. they are easy to downplay and brush off. the status quo is for me to be the bad guy, the big scary angry native villain that you need me to be so you can ignore me. that’s what feels good for you. your bubble is safe and unexamined. it doesn’t matter that I am hurt by this. it is better than I am hurt by this. that is what’s comfortable for you. again and again and again and again. all I can do is keep trying, because that’s the life I have to live. but you don’t need to think about that, so you won’t. maybe five years down the line you’ll have learned better and I’ll just be collateral damage. you’ll get to grow from the harm that you did to me and what happens to me doesn’t matter. I was the stepping stone on the way to you becoming the most enlightened white person in the room. how nice!
