the thing these people donβt get about living your life every single day as a person of color in every single space you enter is that you always experience the racism thatβs present there. and you want to talk about it because itβs your experience. I have spent my entire life talking about racism. and itβs almost always received in this sort of manner, with denial and downplaying and making me out to be the aggressor for bringing it up. but I keep doing it, because it keeps being true to the life I live. I donβt get to likeβ¦ turn it off or opt out of it. Itβs exhausting and demoralizing and dehumanizing. it straight up shortens peopleβs lifespans to be treated this way. but I keep talking about it. because I donβt have any other choice. because itβs baked in to my experience of the world. like I bet it would feel nice to get to say that itβs not that big a deal and to prioritize other things. but I literally donβt get to because it always affects me. it always will. they donβt get why I want to bring it up and I donβt get why they feel so comfortable ignoring it.
all of these people will continue to pat themselves on the back for how enlightened and anti-racist and progressive they are. they will not examine this behavior because it does not effect them. And I have been given yet another reminder of how hostile the world has been set up to be for people like me. that it doesnβt matter how carefully I phrase myself or how hard I try to make people understand. I will always be in the losing position because thatβs what more comfortable for people like them. my experiences donβt really matter. they are easy to downplay and brush off. the status quo is for me to be the bad guy, the big scary angry native villain that you need me to be so you can ignore me. thatβs what feels good for you. your bubble is safe and unexamined. it doesnβt matter that I am hurt by this. it is better than I am hurt by this. that is whatβs comfortable for you. again and again and again and again. all I can do is keep trying, because thatβs the life I have to live. but you donβt need to think about that, so you wonβt. maybe five years down the line youβll have learned better and Iβll just be collateral damage. youβll get to grow from the harm that you did to me and what happens to me doesnβt matter. I was the stepping stone on the way to you becoming the most enlightened white person in the room. how nice!
