hi. im 21 years old. the last few times i was on this blog i was a teenager. Let me give you a few life updates,,,, i no longer miss him. but somehow, sometimes, when i think of our time together it still hurts. I think teenage me is still upset even tho present me is over it. I still struggle with my anorexia. it comes in waves. i lost 60lbs when he left me, and my current partner has been doing their best in building me back up. but i fear his support isn’t enough. i knew recovery wasn’t easy, but there are times were it feels impossible. life hasnt gotten easier, it just found different ways to be hard. i hope you’re all doing well my old friends…

i had really bad unhealthy deattachment styles oops

stop it please stop it brain im begging you to just stop it

dont hurt yourself. we cant go back to that

shut up you never know when to shut up look what you did

i hate when people make you feel stupid. its one of my biggest pet peeves. comments like ‘dumbass’ ‘you’re dumb’ ‘you’re stupid’ ‘arent you just so smart’ etc. etc. like why would u talk to someone like that? even if what they did wad stupid like … why cant u just ignore it or lightly correct them ? ive cut off so many people because of this. i would never talk to anyone like that. and even if i do, its always super light like ‘dumdums’ (like the lollipop) and its only for EXTREMELY SMALL THINGS

how would you feel if you were overwhelmed and wanted to talk about it and someone is constantly yelling in your face saying ‘what do you want me to do about it???’

dont be fooled because i acknowledge my hunger. im not gonna eat.

i dont even know what to say anymore. im so fucking overwhelmed. im cold. im hungry. i feel like shit emotionally and my dad is the most narcissistic being ive ever met. im overwhelmed and i just needed help with my car. when i started crying because it was just the cherry on top of my BAD FUCKING DAY, he made it seem like im mad at him and he needs to fix it. i just wanted to tell him how i feel. i just wanted to talk about how i feel and this is the response i get from someone who is supposed to care about me. this is why i dont talk about shit.

what was i thinking. i do all this shit to myself. i used to be good and cool and now this is what i get. fuck you. i hate you. i wish i could just leave this body and go somewhere else.

this all sucks. i never wanted any of this. i want to beg so bad but i wont.

it may not be part of my shift, but its part of yours. i will let you let go.