the music played softly in the background as you cried into your pillow. you sighed as you wiped your eyes again, why can’t i just be over him? you thought to yourself. you heard your bedroom door opening and closing. without picking your head up you mumbled,” go away jimin” into your pillow. 

“it’s not jimin.” beomgyu’s voice was heard and you felt your bed dip. “he did let me in though.” his hand went into your hair, playing with it softly. you lifted your head and turned to the side to see his soft smile. “why are you still crying over that boy?” that boy was soobin, your ex boyfriend, if you could even call him that. 

“i don’t know.” you said softly and beomgyu frowned at the tone of your voice.

“want to go for a drive?” you nodded your head and he got up, helping you off your bed.

-

you opened your locker, pulling out books you don’t need for the night from your bookbag and placing them in. you closed your locker, jumping in surprise from seeing soobin. he smiled at you,” hi (y/n). we didn’t get to talk about your love letter before you ran away.” 

“like i said soobin, that letter is old so there is nothing to talk about.” you slung your bag over your shoulders. “i have to go.” 

“i didn’t mean to hurt you.” you paused and turned around back to him. he was looking down at the floor. “i... i liked you a lot and i started to get nervous. i don’t know why i kept it a secret, i guess i just didn’t want anything to ruin it but in the end i got scared and ruined it myself.” he looked up at you and you bit your lip.  

“you could of talked to me.” you said simply, soobin sighed. “but i really do have to go.” you turned around and left this time, now with a heavy heart. 

febuary 18, 2018

to the one who has always been there, 

when i met you my freshman year of high school, i was confused why you wanted to be my friend. you seemed so much cooler than me, everyone liked you, and i was just mia’s awkward younger sister. at first i thought you were doing it to get closer to my sister but then you remembered my favorite cake flavor and brought a cupcake for my birthday. you gave me a small box full of my favorite things and i realized how much you listened to me. our friendship bloomed from there and now, i don’t know where i would be without you. 

you walked into the old diner a few blocks down from your high school. the hostess smiled at you, leading you to the same booth you and beomgyu always get. “where’s beomgyu?” she asked, placing two menus down although the waitress already knew your usual orders.

“he should be coming soon.” she nodded and went back to the front of the diner, your waitress coming a few minutes after. 

“hey hun! where’s that gorgeous boyfriend of yours?” you laughed shaking your head. abigail knew that you and beomgyu weren’t dating but she always hinted at it, silently hoping one day you’ll tell her you are.

“not my boyfriend abbie, but he should be coming soon. can i get a frozen strawberry lemonade please.” 

“yet.” she winked,” but coming right up.” she left to place the order in and you pulled your phone out. she came back a few minutes later and placed it down. you were about to call beomgyu when he walked into the diner, a bag in hand. 

“sorry i’m late.” he said, placing 2/23, 3/23, 4/20the bag in front of you. “i went to the store to get you your favorite snacks. i saw you talking to soobin and you seemed sad.” you looked at the bag before looking up at him. 

that night you took me on a drive, i felt like everything was right in my life. the radio played the top hits and i was feeding you fries as we drove down empty streets. you stopped at a random park and we sat on the swings, the stars shining as we talked about anything that came to mind. i remember looking over at you as you laughed at something i said and my chest burned. i couldn’t stop staring at the way your hair fell into your shining eyes. you asked me why i was looking at you and i held my breath, not knowing if i could share the thought running through my head. i finally got out the word nothing and laughed, trying to ease the air. you watched me for a bit but brushed it off. 

“thank you.” you got out and he smiled. abigail came back and took your orders and brought beomgyu his usual iced tea. 

“so, how many did you write?” he asked and you sighed. 

“five.” 

“five?! you whore.” he said and you choked on your drink. “kidding!” he laughed as you smacked his arm from across the table. “can you tell me who?” 

“i can.” you said and he rolled his eyes. “will you?” 

“the first one was for huening kai. the second was soobin’s.” beomgyu nodded. “then yours. taehyun was next.” 

“your tutor from last year?” you nodded. “who was the last one?” 

you groaned,” yeonjun.” this time beomgyu choked on his drink. “yeonjun?! as in... your sister’s boyfriend yeonjun?” you nodded your head with your eyes closed in embarrassment. 

“i never thought they would get out!” 

“why did you write them then?” 

“they were to get my feelings out. jimin and jungkook sent them out... idiots.” you mumbled and beomgyu laughed. 

“so, what are you going to do?” you titled your head a bit in confusion. “i mean, you just confessed feelings, even if they’re old, to five boys. they must have feelings back if they’re looking for you. what are you going to do?” 

“are you confessing you have feelings for me?” you teased, trying to change the subject as you didn’t have an answer for bemgyuy’s question. 

“maybe.” he said, taking a bite from his food. you weren’t sure if he was kidding or not but he didn’t look like he was going to clarify. he checked his phone. “oh crap i completely forgot i was supposed to meet up with jake and sunwoo for a group project. can i venmo you the money?” he quickly started picking up his stuff. 

“you don’t have to. have fun!” you yelled after him. 

“text me if you need me!” he yelled back, waving at abigail before running out. 

“what happened with him?” she asked, handing you the check. you explained to her, handing her your card. when she came back, you thanked her, grabbing your things and leaving. 

you started walking back home, placing your airpods in. you pulled your phone out to play music when you bumped into someone. “oh i’m sor-” you looked up. 

“can we talk?” yeonjun said. 

once you dropped me off, i stared at my ceiling, no longer thinking about the boy that broke my heart but instead you. you, the one who seemed to remember everything about me, the one who knew when i wasn’t okay without me having to say anything. you, who would comfort me when i did bad on a test or take me out for ice cream when i passed. you, the who that was always by my side. i wanted to ask you, when we were on the swings, if you ever thought we could work out, but i was too scared. too scared for you to say no, or for you to tell me that i was just confused, or even too scared to hear a yes. so i’ll just keep my feelings hidden in this letter that will never be in your hands. 

from,