BOO-YAH! FORDHAM LAW!

“Most people don’t,” he said. He looked up at the ceiling, inspecting it absently so he could avoid looking anyone in the eye. “I’m not sure I even really know how I do it.” It wasn’t fun, he could say that. Will felt like he left a little piece of his soul behind every time he did it. Sometimes he wondered how much he had left to give away.

“You’re still a higher rank than I’ll ever be. I was homicide for a while, but uh…” Probably for the best. Will knew how to shoot now, finally. The issue was knowing when pulling the trigger was the right thing to do and… when it was just what Will’s darkness was telling him to do.

“Oh, no kiddin?” He grinned a little, excited they had something in common. It was so much easier to make friends that way. “I worked a stint in homicide before I came to Special Victims. It’s a rough spot. I was there a few years but I never did all that great,” he chatted as he gathered up his stuff to leave.

He looked it over for a moment more, then finally accepted the medal. He put it around his neck, pulling the chain tight enough he was sure it wouldn’t fall off while he was swimming, but still low enough he could see it glinting in the light. There was no point in wearing something sparkly if you couldn’t see it sparkle. “Wait here,” he told Sonny. Then he turned and spa-looshed back into the water, a flash of rainbow fins becoming visible for just a moment.

He started laughing softly, and as Sonny kept talking it just grew and grew. “Ooohhhh my love,” he said fondly. “You are so sweet. I wish we could get married right now, but we don’t have our marriage license yet. It wouldn’t be legal if it hasn’t had time to be filed and processed through the courts.” Not to mention he was pretty sure that Sonny was far beyond being too incapacitated to properly consent to a marriage. When Rafael got married, he wanted it done right. No chance of annulment.

“Anyway, we’ve already put a lot of money down on our venue.” He kissed Sonny’s cheek gently. “And I think you’d want to get dressed up for it. Do your hair all pretty and stuff like that.” He nuzzled him slowly, giving him all of the love he could. Some part of him really did wish he could marry Sonny right now. Even if that was utterly ridiculous.

He closed his eyes and smiled happily at the nuzzles. “I do want to look pretty.” He kissed his face blindly and then opened his eyes again to watch him. “You look pretty enough to get married. You look so so so pretty.” He gently reached up to run his fingers through Rafi’s soft hair. “You’re prettier than anyone I’ve ever seen. You’re the prettiest guy in the universe probably. I just wanna marry you and kiss you forever.” 

Rafael wasn’t sure what he had expected. Disgust, maybe? Recoil? That look that said, I only came here because I thought you were strong and now I see how weak you are I want out? Any of those seemed more acceptable than what he got. Which was… this. Whatever this was. It was soft eyes and a look that almost seemed – hopeful? It was so hard to read Sonny at times like this. Rafael understood the anger and the frustration and the hate that he sometimes saw on his face, but things like this were never quite what he expected.

On the rare occasions that Rafael was weak, he was met with kindness. He didn’t really know what to do with that.

He closed his eyes a moment at the words. As if this was that easy! He shook his head a little bit, in what might be an attempt to clear it. Or maybe denying all of this. Trying to erase what he said. Not even Rafael is sure of it anymore.

“It’s not that simple,” he said, his voice strained. “You know it’s not. I can’t just – just give up my power to you like that. I can’t just roll over and let you take me over.”

But god, I want to so badly!

He stayed on his knees in front of him, scooting closer. He reached up to cup his face, watching him with soft eyes. He loved this man, more than anything. It felt like a dream to hear him say these things. But part of him knew, without a doubt, it wouldn’t happen. They could have moments of weakness here. Sonny would never betray him. But Rafael Barba had come from nothing. He’d risen through the ranks and grabbed as much power as he could. Power was everything in their world.

And love was not a reason to give any of it up. 

“I know it’s not,” he said softly, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. “But I wish it were. We’d buy ourselves a house. Wake up next to each other every day. I’d make you coffee in the morning and you could make breakfast. I’ll pick dumb shows to watch on TV and you’ll make fun of them. I’d bring you dinner when you have to work late. Rub your shoulders when they get too tense. We’ll fight and bicker and shout, but we won’t let anything come between us.”

Oh, he liked that a lot. He was getting promises now. A little smirk tugged at the edges of his lips with that. It could almost look like a reassured look. But Frederick’s mind was elsewhere.

“Of course.” He reminded himself that this was still purely professional at the moment, and pulled it together. “I wondered, to begin with, how much we will be seeing of each other.”

“That mostly depends on what you want,” he replied. “If you want me with you around the clock, I can do that,” he said.

“Nah, guapo, that is how it works.” His lips curled up at the ends and he leaned in “If you wanna be undercover, you gotta work for me. Follow my rules. Respect me. And you’re off to a pretty bad start.” He put his hands on the table, tipping his head up a little in a cocky sort of way. He had something. It didn’t matter how much this detective tried to play it off – he had something. Which meant they weren’t going anywhere any time soon, if anything he knew about cops was correct.

“Listen, amigito, Washington Heights is closed for business if you don’t got what it takes to get in there. ¿Comprende? But me, I got the keys. I can open those doors. You’re not understandin’ – This isn’t about conditions or whatever, this is about you knowing what you need to do to make it in this world.”

He listened, watching him and considering his options. He could always continue on the path he was on, Liv would assign someone else to do the undercover work, and Sonny wouldn’t have to see this man again. 

But on the other hand, he knew he was good at UC work. Sonny didn’t tend to think he was the best at anything, but his arrest numbers in that area spoke for themselves. And beyond that, Sonny just liked it. So he made his decision.

jus·tice

/ˈjəstəs/

noun