It's Alright!

Official ominous postcard

theres a whole album of song titles you can make just from the words of this tweet

this makes smoking weed sound so much cooler than it is

im sorry everyone but berdly WOULD think the Bat Credit Card bit from the nostalgia critic is hilarious. he would show it to noel and point and laugh at it and she wouldnt get it

Listen, we have to keep this thing circulating on the internet for at least another two decades, because I have to believe that one day that little girl will be grown enough to stumble upon it and She Will Explain

We’ve made it 5 years folks

big pharma will try to sell u $20 cold medicine like spicy ramen doesnt cost like a dollar a pack and orgasms are free

big chemist will try to sell you £20 paracetamol like beans dont cost like a quid a can and havin a wank costs fock all

mm you’re being such an okay boy for daddy. could be better could be worse. you will receive neither reward nor punishment for your forgettable behavior. that’s my okay boy, keep doing whatever …

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad