I'm forever yours;

Alright, guys. This is me taking ya’ll’s advice and accepting help. This is extremely hard for me to do and all I really want to do is apologize a million times for asking anyone to help me out of a situation I got myself into, but you’ve been telling me for years to get myself out of it and to take the help, and I’m finally ready to go. 

I feel like I need to post a back story for anyone who hasn’t been following me through this entire thing, just in case it’s reblogged, but I also want to say that my whole life is on this blog and you’re more than welcome to read through it and see all of the good and bad times yourself. 

Before I get started with all of that, this is me attempting to scrounge up enough money to buy myself a cheap car that will get me to and from work. My friend has offered me a place to stay free of charge so that I can get myself and my kiddo back on our feet and get our own place. She lives in the middle of nowhere on a farm, and I work close to an hour away from where she lives, but it is the best and safest option right now and I know that I’ll be able to help her in exchange for helping me, as she has a one year old and a newborn and a deployed husband and is doing it all on her own and is absolutely overwhelmed. I feel good about staying there with her. But I do need a reliable vehicle because there’s no public transit nearby. Everyone on Tumblr has recommended NOT to go through GoFundMe because of the percentage of money they take at the end, and said they’d prefer to donate through PayPal, so my PayPal email is [email protected]. I feel really weird about doing it through PayPal because I can’t write all of this up on there and….well, I don’t know. It just feels weirder than starting a GoFundMe, but you suggested it and even said you preferred it, so I’m going to take your advice. Back story: I married a guy who was in the Army back in 2013. I went against my better judgment for whatever reason and put myself in a situation with a compulsive liar and cheater and spent the last four years trying to make things work. There were good times and bad times, but so many more bad than good, and pretty much everyone on here who’s been following me knows all about it. He cheated on me twice, once with a woman, which I found out about while I was six months pregnant, once with a man while our daughter was an infant. He was pretty much forced out of the army for numerous reasons and no one in his chain of command was willing to help him out or go to bat for him so he could stay in. He got out two weeks after Ellie was born, and we ended up moving to Washington to start over. He used his GI Bill to go to school, but was actively choosing to skip class and fail (which I didn’t know - he was telling me he was passing school with flying colors), so he wasted two entire years of his GI Bill and now owes the VA $5,600 for failed classes and BAH. He managed to hide that from me for over a year before they finally stopped paying us BAH and I put two and two together. Now he’s chosen to not register for summer quarter at all, which means he won’t be paying rent. I’d pay it myself, but I pay his $400 car payment, the $189 insurance, the $180 phone bill and the credit card bills, so I literally cannot. That was his only responsibility - taking TWO classes, one online and one in person, to receive $936 to pay rent. Not hard, right? I even spent last quarter DOING AN ENTIRE ONLINE CLASS FOR HIM SO HE’D PASS. I literally did his work so we could keep a roof over our heads and provide for our child. While working 10+ hour days and running my etsy shop and wrangling a toddler. So, since he didn’t register and registration closed on the 6th and he seems indifferent to it, I asked him what his plan was to pay rent, and he said he was going to ask the church for help. Him, a man who shit talks Jesus like there’s no tomorrow and shits on religious people every opportunity he gets. He literally wants to take money from people who NEED it because he was too lazy to register for school. I asked what his back-up plan was when they laughed in his face, and he said it was to sell the couch, which we just bought with tax money, which is where my child and I have been sleeping since I asked him for a separation. When I asked him where we should sleep, he said “on the recliner. I don’t really care where you sleep.” So, I married a compulsive liar who can’t man up and provide his half of supporting our family, who’s lied about cheating, drug use while in the army, current drug use, alcohol problems, compulsively purchasing marijuana, chewing tobacco and cigarettes when our bills are unpaid and we have $10 to our names, has screamed at me that he wishes I’d fucking die in front of our child, has hit me, smashed my phone on the ground so that I no longer had a way to keep in touch with friends and family - his words were “now you can see how lonely I fucking feel” - has thrown my purse out the car window and ditched me by the highway and left with my child to go home, has literally left us without food and taken the car, has abused our dogs, has blamed me for every single thing wrong in his life because I “wasn’t forgiving or understanding enough and was too hard to talk to”. I had my wake-up call, and this is me trying to get the fuck out of this situation. We’ve discussed divorce, I’m getting my name taken off of the lease this week so that I can leave this apartment and start over.  If ya’ll have questions or just want to talk to me about things or have advice or know of a friend who’s selling a car anywhere in the PNW that’s reliable and decent on gas, PLEASE reach out to me. I’m having a very hard time swallowing my pride and doing this but I literally don’t have two dimes to rub together after paying bills that will go unpaid and tank my credit if I don’t pay them, and I have no idea how I’m going to get a car. I’m so sorry I’m asking for help. I love you guys for reaching out and supporting me and being awesome through this hot mess, especially those of you who’ve seen it all and have sent me words of love and encouragement to remind me that I’m doing the right thing and that it’ll all get better. I couldn’t have done this without the girl gang I’ve found on this website. I hope I can pay all of the love and help forward in the future.