this is for you

I just dont make sense! Give me some pill for i can be calm. Calm from this world and calm from all of yeah.

I fucking hate this job. I fucking hate everyone around me. Everything just doesnt make sense at all. Im bitter i know. But i say it because here i dont need to pretend. I dont need to please and make everyone happy. I can curse anyone i hate! I can tell them how fuckin horrable they are for making me feel like this. I dont need to show that fake smile and fake laughter. Yeah i laugh. And im good at it. Atleast for faking it.

Someday i'll be free. Free from your thoughts and free from that smile. Then your voice would just be some random music on the radio that doesnt make sense at all. You came without a warning. Approached me and amaze me. Gave me what im longing for years. Made me want you more and more each day. How can i help it when all i can hear is you. But you see im human too. I get hurt and i get stoned. One day ill tell my mind to erase you. One day ill tell my heart not to beat for you. Because one day ill just forget you. You have given me inspiration to write again but then gave me heartbreak when all i can think of is her by your side. How can you be so beautiful yet so cruel. Why have you let me fall when you know its wrong. All fucking questions with no fuckin answers. I've been telling myself to stop. Trying my best to ignore you all at once. Those months we've shared, fuck! even those are fuckin lies? Love. Lies. Promises. Lies. Truth. Lies. Damn! i just waste my freakin time loving all your lies. That one kiss. One hug. One feeling. One heart. One you. I dont want to remmember. Remmembering makes it all difficult. Makes it all complicated. And makes it hard to say goodbye.