Heck

kitten I’ll be honest the finality of everything in this world haunts daddy like a second shadow

they call me an undercover agent. the way i’m. under the covers :) cozy in bed :)

they call me a sleeper agent the way i. well. i shan’t say.

*aborted little brother voice* it would be my turn on the xbox...if i existed...

If you had doctored this to look like a sincere post on Facebook from a white American anti-choice woman in her late thirties I would have believed it was real without question.

Thats a playstation not xbox

It adds to the realism dw about it

"I got owned today. And yes, I get owned constantly"

they're on a video conference

I just think people who clean public spaces should make no less than $100,000 a year

i hate when you google a word and some fucking company comes up instead. Do you think you are more important than the english dictionary you piece of shit corporation

The first rule of cable management is "out of sight, out of mind"

The second rule of cable management is that all true art is provocative. If zero people want to kill you over it, it's not good art.

This is so much funnier when you know that head bobbing is a common lizard territorial display and that the lizard is saying HEY FUCK OFF I'M TOUGHER THAN YOU

How do they choose which sand to be the glass and which sand to be the sand in an hourglass... Imagine you and your best friend were two grains of sand and you had to be in the hourglass and your bestie had to be the glass. Ur together but youve never been more apart. A Sick and twisted practice hourglassery is...

Oh my fucking god god god god god i just found the funniest picture while deep into google images

I gotta ask, what were you searching for that you dug up such a gem?

It was honestly something like “fucking Bingo boy when the binga bonga bling” i can tell you exactly when i get home

my gender…? I was supposed to bring my- ? *grumbling* no one told me I was supposed to bring a gender to this thing

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

i meant to empty my contact lens case of cleaner and instead launched my allergy pills down the drain. wasn't even holding the lens case

once confidently pointed my car keys at the door out of my house and pressed the unlock button