Captured by His grace

If You can hear the whispers of my heart,

If You know every thoughts that is running in my mind,

If You know every emotion being bottled up in me

               Will it give You glory?

 Does it even please You?

It was in a school,

I saw myself

asking for a second chance

(out of a failing exam)

to no avail

it was declined.

Someone saw me

crying while leaving the place

"Naiyak ka nanaman";

I responded

"And so."

I ran away even if I was called,

(to give me another chance out of pity, I guess)

they kept on yelling my name

but I chose not to respond

I knew someone will try to find me,

I was looking for a place to hide;

a place where I know no one will see

how my world is breaking apart,

a place where I can be me

Yes,

I was in a hurry,

I jumped off,

I ran off;

to hide,

to keep things

to myself

until I saw

my 'place of safety'

I ended up seeing shabby CR.

The moment I was closing the door,

(so broken, that you can see the the person inside)

someone called me,

"Marielle"

I continued closing the door with a blue rope,

trying to tie the rope like I never wanted to open it

I saw this man who called me,

right at that moment, our eyes met

He smiled,

while trying to catch His breath

eyes clouded with tears I said,

"Bakit siya nanaman?"

"Eto nanaman."

"Taon taon na lang".

Then

I saw Him,

crying with me.

He can forcefully open the door

but chose not to,

I saw His desperation

His desire to comfort me fully.

Suddenly

my eyes opened and realized it was all a dream.

Now I am thinking....

The door that was tighly closed,

Takot

 Nakita ko kung paano sya nilamon,

Sa sarili niyang takot di siya nakaahon,

Sinubukan niyang lumaban,

Sinubukan.....

 Pero wala, naunahan siya.

Pero hindi pa siya talo,

Naunahan lang siya

Hindi pa siya talo! (hindi siya talo!)

 Tapang

 Inamin niyang di niya kaya

Sumuko, sabay pagtaas ng kamay niya

Natakot siya pero bumangon

Bumawi at piniling sa takot ay umahon

 Di pa siya talo,

Takot na pwede pa ring makabawi

Takot na sa tapang mapapawi

Being part of the other half of the universe, with my age I am often being asked “what are your standards?” yes, for a man to spend the rest of my every days with. Trying to answer such question stops me; it literally brings a blank paper right before my eyes.

Will my own standards be met?

What to look for? A man who would accept me as I am? A man who would give me life of satisfaction? A man who would love me beyond all my imperfections? A man who is willing to give his all for me? A man who would fight for me? A man who would choose me over his own world?

Meet the man.

The man, I wasn’t looking for.

He fought for me recklessly. He loved me despite everything of who I am. He walked with me despite of who he really is and who I really am. He helped me over my own self-pity party world. He sees joy over me in spite of the reality that I don’t cling unto him that much. He keeps me protected even though I can’t do the same. He is my pillow over the thorns on my bed. He is my mattress whenever I fall from my own choices. He chose me over the better things from his own world.

Little by little those blank pages were starting to have its lines, its colors; from a white-paged paper to something that’s beyond anyone’s imagination. I never knew how to write on that blank paper until someone else did!

My own standards are a lot intimidating and weird; it’s as if I am looking for a CEO for my own company. If I was the one who wrote on that blank-paged paper then I would’ve caused a miserable life to someone. My standards, my desire, my wants, my never ending “me-and-mys”; what a self-centered love it is (sigh). Our standards often require someone else’s sacrifices, their own joy in exchange to ours. We are not made to make someone else’s life miserable, not the person we love the most. Please, no.

I was thinking that my standards were way too high (or too weird) that no one could meet it but then I found the man who is faaar beyond all these standards I have in mind.  With all these unreachable ideals, he exceeded. Yes, I am dearly loved! (So are you, my dear!)

From blank-paged paper into a master piece, in my own paper, not by my hands, but His!

PS. You are His treasured princess, His dearly loved daughter! Today, let us celebrate that we are loved and accepted beyond measure; beyond what we deserve.

Who else could?

Ngayon,

inakala kong sapat na,

sapat na, na kilala Kita,

sapat na, na alam ko ang pangalan Mo

o maging ang tawag nila sa’Yo.

o di kaya’y mga kwento tungkol sa’Yo

sapat na,

akala ko sapat nang nakikinig ako ng mga kwento,

kwentong sila ang bida pero Ikaw ang kapartner nila,

na tipong kapag wala Ka

hindi nila kaya

sapat na,

akala ko sapat nang maikwento din kita

na malaman ng marami na kasama rin kita

na malaman ng marami, na sa buhay ko Ikaw ang bida

akala ko sapat na,

Hindi pa pala

na kahit kailan hindi magiging sapat

lahat man gawin ko, hindi makakatapat,

sa kabutihang pinakita Mo sa isang malaking patpat

Gumawa man ako ng mabuti, mamigay ng mga pagkain sa maraming pulubi,

o di kaya’y maglakad ng nakaluhod, hanggang tuhod ko’y mapudpod,

hindi pa sapat

na sabihing salamat sa buhay ko dahil sa’Yo,

na kahit anong sigaw ko ng “mahal kita”, maubos man ang aking hininga,

hindi pa rin sapat.

minu-minuto ko mangalalahanin ang lahat ng kabutihan ginawa mo sa akin,

hindi pa rin sapat.

sumayaw man ako na parang baliw o kumanta ng walang maliw

kahit na itaas ko ang aking kamay ng isang libong taon

hindi pa rin sapat.

Hindi pala.

hindi pala sapat na tignan ko ang kaya kong gawin para sa’Yo

nabulag ako sa ako, akin, ko at kita.

hanggang sa nakalimutan kong dapat pala ay IKAW muna.

IKAW na unang nagmahal.

IKAW na unang nag-alay ng buhay.

IKAW na nagbigay ng kapatawaran at naging alay.

IKAW na hindi kailanman tumingin sa sarili mong ako, akin, ko at kita

Bagkus kinalimutan mo kung sino Kang talaga,

Random cravingssss :))