Something Meaningful

I am having a bad day, there is no explanation to why or the reason I feel. I have been On anti-depressants, in therapy and Feel like I have tried for so  long to get no where. Everyday feels like a challenge. Some people say you choose to feel the way to feel. I don't. I do everything to have the motivation to roll out of bed and confront the world with joy and happines or to feel good. I've talked to doctors and multiple say maybe this will work or we'll try this. its not your fault its a chemical in balance. Well why?

I am going to be 19 soon and in the last few years I have face Many challenges from having my heart broken to dealing with deaths but I have also faced great times like the birth of my niece and starting college along with finding a man that has made me feel beautiful and loved

Yet those are challenges in life. 

What hurts the most though it that I can bring myself to work or attend college, That i feel stuck and I do not now why. That i feel like I have given up on myself and that I am not going anywhere. 

Things I know that I do that dont help, but i struggle to change:

1. sitting in my bed all day

2. not talking to people

3. Sleeping for more than 12hrs

4. Self-esteem Issues

Things that I have started to do that may help:

1. new pills

2. talking to my doctor

3. seeking help at school

4. trying to go to the gym (so far not going so well)

5. Eating more & Healthier (the hardest yet)