girl i’m hitting it Abnormal Style ✋😎✨

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

I fixed it!

U DONT KNOW ME OR MY LIFE

"...You'll gain weight" 🚫

Wrong

Body negative

You need way more calories than a slice of cake to gain even one pound

"...You'll get sick" ✔

Correct

Sugar is good but if you eat too much you get stummy ache :(

Better when eaten in moderation anyway

Prioritizes listening to your body

"...Without me" 👀

Secret third option?

Encourages community

Get sick with someone you love

World's best bonding activity

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