Illegitimate writer

take your time, they said.

It’s okay to have a chapter that’s ten thousand words long followed by a chapter that’s five hundred words long.

It’s okay to have a chapter that’s one sentence long.

Heck, one of the most famous and well-regarded novels in the whole of the world’s literary canon has a chapter that contains no text at all.

[Orders enough food for several people] and whatever you guys want

‘Sorry I’m late’ ‘You’re right on time’

Two characters having a conversation while on opposite sides of a wall/door

The hero is snooping some place they shouldn’t be and is about to get caught. The baddies enter and the room is completely empty. Bonus points if they then show the hero clinging to the ceiling

Someone turning up in the nick of time to save the heroes in a car/plane/spacecraft/etc and asking ‘need a ride?’

Someone tells a (true) story and it is later revealed they were one of the people in the story

‘Get down!’ *tackles them to the floor*

‘Hi [name]’ *immediately begins escorting them out of the door/hangs up on them* ‘bye [name]’

Character walks past a doorway and sees something strange, carries on walking for a few steps, then realises what they just saw and backs up for another look

Someone charges at another character who dodges it by calmly stepping to the side. Bonus points if the charging character carries on through a doorway

A has been delivering a monologue for quite some time and when they are finished B slowly blinks and says some variation of ‘I don’t understand a word you just said’

New character meets the Team for the first time, who are being their usual absurd/intimidating selves, and asks ‘who the hell are you people?’

Everyone has to leave the restaurant/bar/coffee shop and one character frantically tries to finish their food/drink before they go

’[Name], I presume?’

Random character discovers some important new evidence and has to race to find the other characters to tell/warn them in time

Dramatically putting up or taking off their hood

[Badass declaration]. Any questions?

That one character who is always coming up with new slang words and hoping they will catch on

‘My friends call me [nickname/shortened name]. You can call me [full name/title]’. Alternatively, ‘you may not call me anything’

A and B are together when A’s phone rings and they answer it. After a beat they hold it out for B and say ‘it’s for you’. Bonus points if the caller had no way of knowing A and B would be together. Alternatively, bonus points if B didn’t answer their own phone because they don’t want to speak to the caller, prompting them to phone A instead

B comes to A’s house and knocks on the door. When A answers it, they barge straight in and start talking, leaving A still standing at the door and prompting them to say ‘please. Come in’

Someone tries to shoot the character but misses and hits their hat or something instead, so the character gets angry and is like ‘that was my favourite hat!’

Character wants to know the time so they grab their friend’s wrist to check the watch they are wearing

Character begins speaking about a traumatic event that happened in the past and cuts themselves off to rephrase so they won’t have to say the specifics of the event eg. ‘after he - …after what he did’