Mr. Rivera

Comforts of life I provide. Yet I deserve nothing.

I am nothing. I disappear. No one looks back. I am replaceable.

Good morning, it is another beautiful day full of blessings and learning moments. I am grateful for another opportunity to see this beautiful world, the people in it and to learn all i can from the day.

Yesterday was something for sure. I woke up feeling something, and because of that feeling, my emotion took over and the tone of the day was set. The tone i took yesterday morning although unheard by me, came off as rude and entitled/expecting. However it came across there was no turning back, the damage was done. I was the enemy, the bad guy, unworthy.

Took a walk last night to clear my head and gain clarity and insight to how I was feeling. What is my worth to you? What purpose do I serve you? Why tell me to be humble and ask for help, but yet I do not get the same. Am I that bad of a person that I do not deserve it? Last night I had no choice but to accept the fact that my worth and value to you is what I am being shown with and without words.

With every day that passes I embrace my own worth with the help of deep conversations with the Lord, while seeing my worth or value to others.

'Rip my heart from my chest And I'll still apologize for making a mess.....

Today at work I watched as one of my older staff members was on the verge of tears because of another supervisor. I felt for her.

I love my wife, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me in my life. She’s smart and funny, determined and loving, cares about all living things and is the most solution driven woman I know. When she dances, she moves like fluid water running from a mountain top. She’s white like white on rice but she’s brown to the core. Being bilingual (English/Spanish) is a turn on and impressive, 2 languages in 1 brain who works that way? She does! Her body is like a back road, curvy with invitations for a slow drive through every twist and turn, inviting my hands to enjoy the view that is her body.

Sadly I feel my time in service has robbed me of my voice. My ability to be vocal of attraction and desire for the woman that is my wife. Only now my voice spew words of discontent and hurtful things causing damage where ever I go and whomever I come across.

“I can't quite contain or explain my evil ways