stuff and things

I've been dealing with a lot of pent up emotions for the past couple of months since I've been in Afghanistan and right now I feel completely lost. It's been getting harder for me to try and express whatever feelings I might have but when I do, the only responses I get from people are jokes, trying to make lighthearted of the situation or maybe hey just don't know to say, or they just shrug me off, leaving me to deal with it on my own. I feel like I have no one to talk to who is actually willing to listen or who actually gives a fuck about me and what I am going through. I realize that there are times where I am going to have to deal with life's hardships by myself but it has become so overwhelming that I can't continue. As I'm typing this, one of my roommates is skyping with his wife and kid, saying how much they love each other and how they're so excited to see each other again. I wish I had that kind of relationship with anybody. The only thing I have waiting for me back home are a handful of friends who barely speak to me and a family of narcissists. If I can't even form a relationship past the superficial level, what makes me think I'll be able to form any kind of relationship where the person actually cares for me? I feel so alone and I just don't know what to do anymore.