𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓵𝓾𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮

basically my parents have inadvertently (and somewhat directly) caused me to feel bad about my hobbies because they don’t pay - and yeah, it makes sense that hobbies don’t pay. unfortunately I have terrible depression and anxiety which makes it very hard to find a job and be able to handle it (in the past, circumstances on top of my job landed me in a ward by my own volition because I was having such a hard time dealing with it all).

it’s been a struggle to make myself motivated to write at all in any fandom. I have plenty of ideas and concepts for writing but no will to actually write things.

🎤 Hannah was the same for the most part as she had looked at him, her lips were pressed together as she had taken a slow breathe. Her hands were resting at her sides lightly as she kept moving her fingers out of habit finding that she kept tapping them against her skin. Her eyes were moving around from one side to the other as she looked down and folded her arms over her chest rocking back and forth on her feet. She swallowed softly as she stepped back into the kitchen quietly leaving the door open as her hands were shaking slightly. She balled her fists up lightly moving to work on the the food before placing it on the table after a few moments. She had gotten two soda’s and placed them on the table with straws, she moved and sat down slowly, her legs were bent as she stared at him. Her eyes were partially opened as she placed napkins down also, her foot tapped lightly as she stared at him. She looked down for a moment feeling the silence around her which made her nervous. She hated silence because she never knew what was going to happen. She shifted her jaw as she closed her eyes for a moment hearing the words that she had so desperately wanted to hear form him. Her eyes were wide opened as she swallowed softly, she looked at him quietly feeling a sad smile pass over her features, she knew that he had been through his own type of hell. She moved and placed her hand on his arm as she looked at Justin..”Justin, I forgive you.”…she whispered as her eyes were burning and knowing that they were filling with tears. She swallowed hard and kept her hand there..”Listen to me.”…she said softly as her eyes were focused on his, her eyes were wide opened as she sat there, she took a slow breathe gathering her own thoughts that were going a mile a minute. Her eyes were focused on his as she kept her hand on his arm..”You had just as much of a reason to be afraid of him as others who followed him”…she kept her voice even and quiet. She didn’t need anyone hearing her personal business even though she was sure the entire town knew what she had done. Her lips were pressed together as she looked at him..”Things went wrong and..you had your reasons to try and protect yourself because of the power that Bryce once held.”…she blinked her eyes feeling a few tears fall down her face. She moved her hand and wiped the tears from her face looking at him quietly. She swallowed softly..”You can help me now, by helping yourself.”…she still worried about him and what happened in his life. She had been through hell and it was no secret but she was still alive even after what she had done. Her lips were pressed together as she looked at him..”Justin, you did help me in some ways, it might not feel that way but you have helped me become a braver, stronger person.”…she said softly. She had to admit that her hardships helped her become a stronger person as she swallowed hard..”Help me by helping yourself and if you see some girl  or a guy who..is going through something like me, help her or help him if it’s a guy.”

💉 Hearing her forgive him so quickly had him questioning if he really deserved that. In all fairness what he had done was on a far lesser scale to what others did, and unlike many of them Justin had tried to maintain being on good terms with Hannah. Things between them were never absolutely terrible. That may have been the only thing allowing Justin to accept the forgiveness. Nothing about her seemed to suggest she didn’t really mean it. Even if it was a burden off his shoulders, he still had to do more. Someday maybe he would actually deserve it.

Both of them had been so nervous about this, yet it felt so easy in the end for him. Telling her what his real thoughts were had been something akin to freeing. Following what Bryce and the others did had eventually become so tiring for him, but knowing it was all he had he hadn’t really fought it. Nothing had inspired him to. He had Clay now. He had Hannah now. He had Hannah when he’d finally forced himself to stop living like he had been. If they had met at a time when all of that wasn’t the case, maybe things would have turned out better. Maybe she would have had a friend to support her that she wasn’t afraid to tell the truth to. Not being that person back then was definitely a regret, but it was another thing about himself that he wanted to completely change.

Once... That was a good term for it. Bryce didn’t hold that kind of power anymore. He had lost pretty much everything he had going for him and he wouldn’t be back at their school as a student. Neither of them had to deal with so much as seeing him in the hallways anymore. Admittedly it still hurt to an extent for Justin, knowing Bryce had been the one to get him this far, but these days he couldn’t tell which of things were real and which weren’t... if any were. Saying he had to learn to start living his life now, when he was nearly an adult, wouldn’t really be an understatement. His life was never really his, was it?