Skysiren, somehow, felt almost awkward as she stepped into his room. Something about the atmosphere almost made her feel unwanted, even though she knew she wasnât. Perhaps it was Flickerâs demeanor, between his shaky hello and him not really looking at her. She walked closer to him, attempting to calm down more as she went, and she said âGood morning to you too.â as she laid down on the ground before them.
She reached out to carefully pet Flashlightâs head as she said, âIâm holding up alright, thank you. Work was starting to drive me a little crazy so I just wanted to come and say hello, see how youâre feeling and what youâre up to.â Skysiren turned her gaze to him. âThough, you donât seem to be up to much at the moment.â She folded her servos on the ground and rested her helm on them, leaving the statement in the open air in hopes of stirring him into conversation.
When Skysiren laid down, Flicker sat down to the floor as well. His frame wasnât so stiff anymore and he was able to lean against his knees with ease. Flashlight settled down next to Flicker and exhaled in contentment as Skysiren pet her helm.
Flicker listened to Skysirenâs words carefully. The blue mech hoped he didnât worry her too much to disturb her work, yet he was afraid that was the case. He didnât know how to reply, so he simply hummed thoughtfully to show that he listened.
It took Flicker a moment to steady himself, put as casual smile to his faceplate as he could and blink his optics a few times to look a bit more brisk before he turned his helm at Skysiren. He knew he couldnât keep the facade up for long, but it was long enough to meet the femmeâs optics to reassure her that he was okay. Flicker was aware how shallow his attempt to appear fine really was, especially in front of Skysiren, but he really tried - for her sake. Skysiren didnât deserve to feel any more concerned about the young mech than she already did.
âOh, no, Iâm just⊠IâŠâ
Flicker stared at the floor. He was struggling to find an excuse for his untalkative behavior, but then stopped himself. An excuse? That wasnât right. He shouldnât lie to Skysiren. Though, wasnât he lying constantly by not telling the truth? But if I tell her the truth, sheâll start worrying even more. But Iâll have to stop pretending sooner or later. I know I canât keep this up.
Flicker let out a weary sigh and forced himself to raise his helm, despite the fact Skysiren would see immediately how uneasy the little bot felt. It didnât matter; sheâd known from the very second she stepped into the room. Flicker knew he couldnât fool her, and he didnât want to.
âIâmâ, Flicker took a shivery breath, âIâm sorry I havenâtâŠâ Iâm sorry I havenât been honest. Iâm sorry I havenât told you how I really feel. Iâm sorry I havenât been nothing but trouble to all of you lately. Iâm sorry I havenât been good enough.
âIâm sorry⊠I havenât recovered yet.â The little mech smiled, but his optics began to tear up. You canât even fool yourself.
Flicker hid his helm into his arms and his shoulders twitched as he tried to hold back his sobs.
Flicker left the silence to hang in the air for much longer than she expected. She was almost unsettled, but then she noticed him shifting, slightly, like he was trying to hold still but couldnât. She looked at him when he began to speak, and the moment he cut himself off she feared he was going to say he was fine again. Her spark ached seeing him like this, and she knew she should do something, but she so badly wanted him to say for himself that he wasnât ok.
She opened her mouth to speak but silenced herself when Flicker sighed. Patience, Skysiren reminded herself. Let him go at his own pace. When he finally looked her in the optics again she could see, clearer than ever, how tired he was, and how frustrated he was, but about what exactly she couldnât tell just yet, but then, but then.
He apologized?, she thought incredulously, For not recovering yet? Something immediately felt off, and when Flicker dipped his helm down into the safety of his arms and sobbed she could feel that that wasnât the root of the issue. Wanting to help but not entirely sure what to do, Skysiren sat up, cupped a gentle servo around him and stroked his back with her thumb, quietly asking for permission and waiting for an affirmative before carefully lifting him up into both servos. She tenderly rubbed his cheek with her thumb a few times and gave him a moment to breathe before she told him, âFlicker, sweetspark, you have nothing to apologize for. I-â she paused, and sighed. âI never shouldâve let you off the ship when we were so close to an enemy camp. I shouldâve known better. What happened wasnât your fault.â
She smiled softly at him. âI know youâre trying to keep me from worrying, but you not telling me when youâre hurting only makes me worry more because I can see that youâre upset but I donât know how to help. You donât have to talk to me if youâre ever not comfortable doing so,â she quickly added, âbut I need you to always remember that Iâm right here for you if you need me.â Skysiren lifted him slightly further and held him to her chassis in as close as she could get to a hug, just over her spark. âYou are never a burden or a bother to me. Never.â
She stayed like that for a few more seconds before moving her servos back in front of her face. âYou donât have to talk about this yet if youâre not ready. But if you are, Iâm here and willing to listen.â