BWAH!?

  ❛❛ How can you know where we are? ❜❜  I asked, mostly   out of protest  against Captain’s   g r a t i n g  confidence.   I  knew   already  that  I wasn’t  going  to  get  a  straight   answer.  However...                                 I    had   just    FALLEN   through  a   f l o a t i n g   p o r t a l    into  some  kind   of  run-down   teleportation nexus.  Would  I even  know  what a straight   answer  looked  like anymore ?

  ❛❛  I’VE  BEEN  HERE  BEFORE, ❜❜   Captain replied  with   casual conviction  &&  started walking again.  I rubbed my   temples as I followed. What had I been  e x p e c t i n g ?   Captain   always   had an answer, however absurd it might   seem.                      ❛❛  I’VE  BEEN  EVERYWHERE,  MISTER SNIPPY.   EVERYWHERE    AND   NOWHERE ... AT THE  SAME  TIME. ❜❜ 

Gromov? ( @askgromov )

You know, your own content suggestion algorithm works remarkably well. Top result, alongside “MAKE YOUR INNER REPTILE ROCK-HARD WINKY FOR YOU!”

um I object to being made into a food item. 

CZP: Are u snippy now

CZP: Ah yis the amazing snippy species

CZP: Here we see a black and white one

CDA: ah yes the scalene snippy

CZP: Shhh he's about to do his mating call

CZP: "BWAH"

CZP: "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

CZP: FACiNating

CZP: Listen to that call

CZP: sO BEAUTIFUL WOW

CDA: unfortunately he recieves no reply

CDA: tough luck, he'll have to try again next season

CZP: Oh wait!

CZP: Look

CZP: A rare captain bird approaches, mocking the snippy's call

CZP: And heres the pilot bird

CZP: Who doesn't eat worms

CZP: He plays with them

CDA: ive never seen a bird eat a worm

CZP: Shush you

CZP: And theres the engiebird

CZP: A native to russia

CZP: It's very timid and finds ways of getting stuck in buckets

(via stendt.tumblr.com)

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snippv: 8I I do not "do mating call". If anything, it is the snippy-bird's cry of distress. Distress, for he mourns sanity and his poor life choices.

snippv: "help me," the snippy-bird cries out. "for I am surrounded by idiots."

Captain says there’s a burger joint nearby, and that he’ll buy me “ZEE HAPPIEST OF MEALS." Something about it being critically acclaimed on ‘zelp’…? I’d rather not, however, considering the last time Captain fed me something it tasted decidedly less of happiness and infinitely more of lemon-infused dishwashing detergent. 

Wasn’t so much a choice as it was something that came pre-loaded. But I agree, it’s… nice. By any extent, it could have been far worse. (Garish sparkles, anybody?)

I guess anything that doesn’t threaten to melt my brain into a psychedelic puddle goes. Not that I’d be able to change it if it were the case anyway. 49000 credits for a touch-up? Who even has the money for that?