crybaby

im generally not a very jealous person so i am feeling lots of brand new emotions right now

i'm an expert on being jealous you can ask me anything you're confused about

how do i kill everything thats ever lived

we only use the quietest of potatoes to make our famous “hush browns” 🤫

I open my tumblr app and read this post, and I let it wash over me like the gentle tide. I know that when I die, this post, like the sweetest of sea foams, will be there to take me lovingly into the depths.

Oddly inspiring

Honestly I’m not gonna survive the apocalypse. Y'all go on gathering berries and drinking cockroach milk (apparently) and forming barter economies and I’m gonna stay in my house until the last of my seltzer runs out and then I’m gonna put on an all cashmere outfit and lay down and die. Have fun fending off the coyotes and doomsday cults and living on expired canned goods in a world with no more Netflix. Pass.

achilles’ heelys

*gently buries my face into a very soft dog*

take this nachos supreme, for it is my body. and take this baja blast, for it is my blood.