smell

-Josephine anon

haaaiii yess it did , dont worry, it is there fully BUT considering its so long, i wanted to manage to sit down when i get home and answer as best as i can . couldnt had done it these days bcs dad had to pick me from dorms and THEN we went on a road trip for several days ?? never one normal car trip.

saw many bearthovens! i really wanna go into how beethoven is spiritually a bear one day too lolz i keep thinking of him whenever i have the chance to see these beautiful animals face to face

-Josephine anon

SORRRY if you waited. i finally had my last exam and now im OVER with all of them!!! so everybody expect me to be overly active againnn .

(irrelevant ramble abt what happened lately) i have lots of opinions, although I feel some misinterpret it horribly. Bcs I think I just mentioned Choliszt size difference some says ago and it felt like I push ED or overly feminize Chopin which I didn't mean😭😭😭 I think Chopin's fragility and illness and his extremely low weight is good to analyze not in a twink way, but in an actual addition to his distaste for healthy people and how it contrasts with Liszt in the sense of being unpleasing to even stand or see him maybe. I do anything to see all the nuances of my ships lowkkkk . Also, I understand it might be triggering or uncomfy to speak abt this condition, but I wouldn't it ignore it either, bcs there are real people who deal with similar stuff and It feels like shaming if I call it uncomfy. I just wanna speak as objectively as possible.

About BPD , I always kinda assumed it too, again, even if it's a heavy diagnostic I dont have the calification for. You lowk right, and even more funny, it might feel like it shows even in his music??? . With this study sessions, I had Beethoven on REPEAT and it stood out how sometimes it can sound so heavily or sometimes take me under a storm. It is super interesting and I think undeniably a reflection of his own mind. I used to sometimes get those Historical Fanpages slideshows on tiktok, and more than twice I seen Beethoven diagnosed with BPD. It feels like there couldn't be more of a good diagnosis

The womb envy Thing I seen it some days ago on Twitter from a radfem, and I was reading what she was saying abt how it mostly can be this big reason for patriarchy being the way it is and how men are jealous over it. Fair to say, I didn't knew much about it , and assumed it was a paralel to Freud's "penis envy"🤣 But I feel like the womb envy makes more sense to me in general. So take that, Freudddy (It is very funny to me how he refused to analyze Mozart's poo poo letters like damn how bad can it BE😪😪)

About assigning this to Beethoven, it just came in my mind as I was reading that Twitter Thread. I imagine in Beethoven it might be something building up for a while. It starts with how He looks up to his mother and when he loses her, he becomes the head of the house cus Johann good for NOTHING! (cna we talk how young it was like sometimes it kills me 16 is such a baby nr lik u is still a toddler in my head). It pushes him to be both the father and mother to his brothers.

Now, I think after moving to Vienna , constantly having crushes left and right, he sees women as these simple "beautiful beings" (again yes I dare say Beethoven fell in love a bit shallow and for some reason I also would say he wasn't interested in personality dat much . Is Incel Beethoven thread planned for another day? Might BE), eventually, we will stop seeing it happen from 1815. Why? Because he is obviously busy getting Karl's custody. And I think it comes with the deep unsastisfaction in him about creating so many songs and so much greatness , and yet he might see Women as doing something more complex and beautiful: giving live. Because it's one of nature's biggest gifts do that and he sees these Women he cant get do something bigger than music. I'd say it's also his desire for his own dream of a functional family, but I feel like it could also be this jealousy and resenting of build up frustration on Women and wanting to do the same thing they do; to create life himself when He can't make it work.

His custody fight blah blah blah. Again, we talked about many reasons why Beethoven would push for this, but if there's one thing that still stuck to me since We Had this conversation, it was that little passage:

I gen think Beethoven wanted to feel this connection with Karl as he birthed him in all senses. That it would probe not only that he can be the good father, but again, subcounciously, be the mom who done the miracle , create life and show he is somehow even superior than these women who dared to Reject him. It is fairly insane , I won't lie to you, but Beethoven also claimed he lived for his craft and that's why he can't end his life in the letter to Wegeler. His craft is to give life. Specifically to music, but it can also be prone to wish for more.