here lies a broken extractinator

Re-Logic: We’re adding a bestiary of official monster lore to the game itself. :)

Me:

@definitelynottired: Keep up the amazing work you do. Play. Fight. Build. Explore. Isn’t that the core of the game? I know I might sound a bit harsh, but I do want to help. We all do :) Amazing art and builds, by the way! (Excelsior is probably my favorite. Great design and character building)

First off, thanks for the kind words. I’m honestly surprised to hear from anyone that Excelsior’s their favorite; I’m always under the impression that most people here are here for the Aberrant, haha.

As for the ‘being okay’ thing, it’s kind of sitting on a precipice. I’ve had to cut myself off from a lot of toxicity and self-worth issues lately and while I do feel I’m better off for it, it hasn’t left me in much of a mood for creativity on most fronts. I don’t feel like I’m going to return to Terraria, simply because over the years it has caused a lot of these self-worth issues (not being appreciated except through the lens of someone else’s world, etc.)

So in short, yeah, I’m okay, but only because I’ve abandoned a lot of this stuff in favor of trying to recenter myself. Thank you all for the support in spite of that.

I don’t think I’ll shut down this blog, though I’ve already fully-culled my TCF presence, so my old art and old character/NPC writeups are... well, not gone, but they only exist in .txt files on my computer now and have no public outlet. I don’t know if I’ll be putting that up anywhere else, mostly because it’s all BBCoded and I don’t feel like reformatting it into HTML.

It's not a big deal to most people.

It's an extremely big deal to me.

As someone who'd wish nothing more than for people to respect the canon of my own original work (a tall ask on the internet) , I am obligated by personal morals to respect the canon of other people's work.

That's why I gravitate towards fandoms with either no fixed canon, or with flexible canon and/or open ends.

By making an official canon (after letting others assume there wouldn't be for 8 years), it's invalidated all the work I've done. Maybe not to everyone, but it does to me and my personal code (which is very precious to me in a world where I've been on the recieving end of far more broken promises than kept ones), and I'm the one who wasted all those years.

Forgive me if the 6-year gaping hole in my heart hurts a little.

But in the end, I'm just one person who made the mistake of getting emotionally invested in someone else's world despite all the screaming warnings not to.

I'll try to avoid making that mistake again.

I don't think "not wanting to be a hypocrite" is necessarily strict. It just seems that way when the world practically RUNS itself on infidelity.

Other people can do what they want. I'm not stopping them, or even saying they're wrong. I'd rather be strict to myself and suffer those consequences than demand others follow my rules; however, I still feel like I should have the agency to cry a little when the pain is really bad, even if it's self-inflicted.

Mostly because I’m sure at least two people are gonna want an explanation for why it hurts so much I want to leave.

There it is.

I guess this is time I called it quits.

Sad how this opportunity steps to the bridge right as the last shreds of rope are smouldering from all the problems I’ve run into with the overall community over the past couple years. Not necessarily Tumblr directly (though I have run into some drama while browsing tags and/or reblog chains), but across multiple  social platforms (Official Forums, Steam Community, YouTube, etc.).

I don’t know whether it’s worth it attempting to apply for something like this, and make one last, desperate grasp that has a very high chance of doing nothing more than burning my hands as it pulls away, or turn my back and let it fall.

After the disasters that were Deep Rock Galactic and Risk of Rain 2 public Discord servers, I avoid official game servers like the plague. They are everything I hate about official forums turned up to 11, then multiplied by 500.

Hmmm...

Bonus: Most aggravating boss at this gear level. Not hard, just tedious af.

And current map