novelty

Tremendous sadness today. So many people I know just have this unshakable weight on their chest and I think when I get right down to it it’s loneliness. It’s loss disguised as less time less attention less connection and less love to put into anything that isn’t the machine. I haven’t really known how to talk about it. The other day a friend texted me that her heart has been so full of sorrow she cries every day to not lose her sanity… and I keep looking at that text and thinking what kind of world is this?

i am sorry, mama. i know you did your best but i turned out wrong. i only ever sharpen my teeth on my own legs. i can't hunt and every song in my chest sounds more like a siren call. i tremble at every loud noise. i fear i am unlovable. you used to tell me to bark back and bite hard. i let every hand muzzle me and consider it gentle. touchstarved. i'm sorry. you wanted to raise a wolf but i am just a bad dog.