Seltzer Water Consumer :]

if i had friends who called me i could give them fun ringtones. but calling me on the phone is basically announcing that something really really really bad must have happened or you would have just texted. we cant have it all

ive never wanted to send a death threat over a game before

tautological wordle answer

posts that make you open wordle

Oh boy better go try today’s wordle

WHAT THE FUCK

It's the most beautiful thing mankind has ever created.

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

i love the phrase 'i dont go here but...' like you're so in awe of my work you have decided to trespass into a fandom you dont belong to just to appreciate it. i love everyone who doesn't go here

what i wouldn't give to have noah masur play some kind of scream queen character.

nobody gets me, he needs to play a character that’s yelling and crying on the ground, you know that priest character that Zach libresco played in zero hours who was super pathetic and begging for his life? thank you mr. Libresco for blessing us with that, now can you go and convince your co star to do something similar, it would do wonders for my mental health and I know you see the vision because you did it yourself

I think Elliot Page should be allowed to kill people

The lion does not concern itself with the bank account balance when a little treat is calling

The lion will never financially recover from this

ragebaiting lemonade stand owner with one simple order

I’m just an easy mark for dumb pilot humor. Today the captain was like “we’re now at altitude, feel free to move around, my one rule is you must stay inside the plane” and I lost it. It’s funny because you would die a horrible death akin to standing unencumbered on Pluto

Just a heads up right now: on the day when Trump dies, I’m going to be extremely tasteless about it. It’s going to get ugly. You are going to see a side of me I am not proud of. I don’t want any call-outs in my inbox, I’m stating right now that lines will be crossed.

Anyways all of y’all AND the evil that literally lives inside of you are invited to the sick ass house party I’m throwing when lord dampnut kicks the bucket

I feel like all you Americans need to take a look at what happened here in the UK after Maggie Thatcher died. Because when it comes to tasteless celebrations fuelled by anger and the death of a hated political leader, we REALLY pushed the boat out. We had street parties. We had burning effigies. We pushed “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” to the top of the charts out of sheer hatred. Bone up kiddos, and I really hope you manage to do that truly American thing, of dramatically outdoing us with your celebrations.

Reblogging for last comment.

With the way this year is going, the sooner it happens the better.

*this can be reblogged every year

I’m going to make cake. There’s going to be fireworks. There WILL be a burnt effigy.

Look, I’m gonna level with you americans for a second. When old wrinkly and orange kicks the bucket, for once in my life, possibly the only time, I’ll actually want to be able to see the fireworks from across the Atlantic. And I daresay I won’t be the only one. So listen to me and listen closely, cause I’ll only say it once: When the moldy Cheeto bites it, it’s the one and only chance you’ll likely have at being loudly, unbearably, obnoxiously American in your celebration and for once, the rest of the world won’t complain. 

…I know I just reblogged this, but that last comment 👌👨🏻‍🍳

Listen I’m already designing the cake I’m gonna order from Publix.

I want to see the fireworks from AUSTRALIA, guys. Make it happen.