SLAMB Poetry

I haven’t posted in a while and figured this would be a great day to do so.

Hi. I’m Simma and I’m not straight. 

I saw someone on facebook do a breakdown of sexuality, gender, and relationships... so I’m going to use a similar format.

Sexuality: I’m pansexual. I remember the first time I heard the term - I had the person who used it define it, and I realized it was exactly how I felt. No, I’m not attracted to frying pans... although I may go all Punzie on your ass and use them as self defense. Pansexual basically means that you’re attracted to anyone. The way I define it is that I don’t care who you are - if I like you, I like you! I don’t consider myself bisexual only because ‘bi’ means ‘two,’ meaning I would only be attracted to two genders, which is not the case.

Gender: I was born with women parts and love everything about them. Okay, no, not everything. I think vaginas are really fucking ugly. All of them. Every. Single. One. But I was born with one and I would never change that. I am very feminine without necessarily being “girly,” but I am, overall, a woman. 

Relationships: This is technically a sexuality, but there’s a reason why I’m putting it here just keep reading. I consider myself to be on the asexual spectrum. Asexuality isn’t talked about too much, and honestly, there’s not much that I know about it other than how it relates to me, so that’s what I will explain for you. 

Like everything else, asexuality is a spectrum. Asexual does not necessarily mean that you are not attracted to anyone. It does not necessarily mean that you are not sexually attracted to anyone. For me, it means that I need to get to know you on a deeper level before there is sexual attraction. I do relate to demisexuals, but I also don’t. This part of my identity stemmed from a traumatic event. I don’t think that it was something that I was born with - I think it is just something that appeared one day because of my PTSD. This is kind of weird to say because these are things that we are being taught that people ARE born with and you DON’T decide. But I guess I didn’t decide, it was just something that psychologically changed within me. 

So quick recap: 

It’s crazy that it’s been almost 10 years and I’m still learning new things about how my body handles trauma. 

I’ve known from the beginning that the most common thing I need to avoid is anyone touching the back of my neck. In a casual setting, in a sexual setting, just a finger poking me or a hand wrapped around it. I will start crying. 

I don’t want to go into detail about what happened last night because it’s still triggering just thinking about it. It’s something that’s so normal and no one else would even think about it. I freaked out. Actually the worst flashbacks I’ve had in the past 10 years. 

Hey, I am Simma! Since 2011, I have been able to find a home at concert venues and a safety in the pit. Although I consider myself a retired concert photographer at this point, I am always open to the ability to shoot any shows that come through my area.

People often ask me what I’m studying in school, what it has to do with music and/or photography, and then continue to ask what I am planning on doing within my field. I seem to answer that question fairly often, but few people know why and how I decided that this was my calling.

So, what amI studying? What am I planning on doing with my degree?

I’m a Public Relations major at Hofstra University. I typically tell people that I am hoping to go into the music industry. Most of the time, I leave it at just that, but I specifically want to make music, concerts and venues more accessible for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing community. Today, I want to tell you my story of how I decided on this. I promise I won’t leave the good parts out.

I took an American Sign Language class in my second year of college. During my second semester, we were assigned a project – to research and present on any topic within Deaf culture. When I say any topic, I mean anytopic. I chose music. Did you know there are Deaf artists? And there are Deaf people who regularly go to concerts! Nico DiMarco, twin brother of America’s Next Top Model, Nyle DiMarco, is a Deaf DJ! Who knew there was such a thing?

I’ve thought about this for the past few months, and I’ve realized a few things. 

1) I am a PR major. One of the biggest things I’ve learned in the past year is that potential employers ask in interviews if you have a blog, especially for students looking for internships, because they want to see your writing style. So shout out to any future employers who are reading this right now! This being said, I will not necessarily write in PR format, merely because I want this blog to truly represent my voice.

2) I’ve always liked writing and getting my thoughts out into the world.

3) I’ve recently started watching a lot of Youtube videos... I know, I’m late to the game. I really love the format and the way many of the videos I watch are made and have thought about creating my own channel before. This blog will be instead of that. I do, however, have Disney vlogs up on my Youtube page - check those out here. As you can tell by those videos, I don’t know what I’m doing... which is another reason why I’m not making a full channel. 

Well... no, not really. I haven’t shot a concert since November, but I haven’t really explained to anyone why. There are definitely a few reasons why I’ve retired (or potentially temporarily retired? We’ll see.)

1) I’m far from the city. I go to school in New York, so that means I can see any and all concerts, right? Wrong. I go to school on Long Island. Although it could be farther from NYC, it’s very expensive to get into the city. Whether it’s by train or by car, the average price just to get into the city is about $20-30. I’m not making any money from these shows, so I, unfortunately, don’t have that much to spend on them. 

2) I did it all by myself. It’s a lot to handle! I started 8ft4 because I saw other media sites (seemingly) succeeding. At different points, I had as many as maybe 5 or 6 people helping out with the site, or as little as just myself. For over a year, it was just myself. Being a full-time student, working multiple part-time jobs, and being on top of everything having to do with this site was a lot to do on my own.

3) My mental health took a huge nosedive in the past year. This should, and will eventually, be a post of its own. It’s no surprise to everyone in my life that this past year has been pretty rough. Huge shout out to my parents and my amazing roommate for helping me through everything as best as they all could. I will go into more detail on all of this, but basically, my mental health declined drastically, this made my physical health decline... which we all know makes mental health decline even more... It’s a vicious cycle that I’m finally pretty much out of, and I finally feel ready to talk about it. 

I want to talk about my new favorite - kombucha

What is kombucha? It is fermented tea. When I think fermentation, I think kimchi, which I am personally not a fan of. 

Fermented foods include much more than just kimchi. Pickles, alcohol, salami, and vinegar are all fermented, but there’s more to kombucha.

Kombucha also contains SCOBY, which stands for Symbiotic Culture Of Bacteria and Yeast. This basically just means that there are living organisms in this tea. 

I heard about kombucha along with many others, I believe it was over the summer. There were articles upon articles being shared around social media about why it is dangerous to make your own kombucha. This, alone, made me never want to try it. 

My college has samples of random things every once in a while, and one of the samples a few months ago was KeVita Master Brew Kombucha. They had maybe four flavors to try, but I went straight for the pineapple peach since it included two of my favorite fruits. 

Let me tell you, I am so glad I tried this. It’s fizzy, but not in the same way as a soda. When you open a bottle of soda, there are all of the large bubbles. This had much smaller bubbles but was still carbonated enough that it didn’t seem like it had started to go flat. The flavor didn’t exactly taste like pineapple or peach, but I was still a huge fan.

Within the past week, I went to the supermarket looking specifically for kombucha. I was put on antibiotics and was also sick with a really brutal cold. I needed probiotics, but my go-to is usually yogurt, which is difficult to eat when you have such a bad cold. This being said, kombucha has probiotics, is non-dairy, and I knew that I liked it! The supermarket that I went to was out of KeVita pineapple peach, but they did have Health-Ade. I picked up what I thought was pomegranate, only to realize after drinking half the bottle that it was actually pink lady apple flavored. 

I’m disappointed that I haven’t tried the pomegranate, but this is honestly one of the best beverages I have ever had. It has a subtle apple flavor, but it’s fresh. It tastes as if the apple was soaking in the kombucha to get all the flavor out, which is honestly probably how they made it. As I got closer to the bottom of the bottle on this one, I noticed a heavy yeast aftertaste... you know, that flavor when you eat raw bread dough? I don’t know if I was supposed to shake it - after reading the bottle, it doesn’t say anywhere one way or another. Maybe because it took me a few days to drink it? I don’t know, but that was really disappointing. 

If you know me, you know I’ve always collected pins. I have a lamp in my room that has a mesh-type lampshade and I used to put all of my pins on there... until it ran out of room. I still have a ton of pins on this lamp. I have pins from all over the world, including Rome and Israel. I have name tags, including two that aren’t even mine (shout out to Lexi for her Six Flags name tag). I have so many pins still there, but most of my pins have gone on to various cork boards.

“But where do you get these pins?”

Great question! All of my Disney pins are either from Disney or from a small shop, so here are some of my favorite small shops!

Jambo Joe About the shop: Literally cannot say enough good stuff about this guy and his products. Definitely minimalistic, but not in a too-hipstery way. I think I have three or four of his magicgram pins (as seen above), and they’re all wonderful. I remember getting one from an “oopsie” sale, and when I received it in the mail, I couldn’t even tell what was wrong with it. Jambo Joe also has apparel, including one design that comes in both a hat and a shirt to not only celebrate Pride, but a portion of all proceeds are being donated to The Trevor Fund! 

Instagram  Shop

Grape Soda Club About the shop: Although they don’t have too many products, what they sell is absolutely AMAZING! All of their spinners spin, all of their cameras have sliding pictures, and you can even write in their adventure books! 

Instagram Shop 

Great Adventure Supply Co. About the shop: Do you like the purple wall? What about the bubblegum wall? And the toothpase wall? COOL, now you can have pins of all of them with what they call Magictone pins! 

I’m definitely not one to beat my face every day, but when I do, I go hard. I have a whole routine down, and most of it is thanks to ipsy! Everything that I have from Real Techniques, I purchased. Everything else came in an ipsy bag.  I’ll have my code linked HERE if anyone wants to try ipsy for themselves! It’s only $10 per month, and you get more than your money’s worth! Today I’m gonna talk about the brushes I use in my makeup routine, and most of them I got from ipsy bags. 

A little bit about ipsy:

$10 per month 1 bag per month 5 items per bag

When you first sign up, the site walks you through selecting beauty preferences. It starts with skin, eye, and hair color, and then asks you how comfortable you are with makeup. I chose “someone comfortable” because although I don’t put on makeup every day, I do know enough about it to not have to watch a tutorial every time I do my face. Next, it asks what products you like or would like to try. Each bag has a variety of products in it, and by selecting the ones you like or would like to try, there’s a higher chance of getting those brands. From there, it asks you about the makeup you would like to receive. This is great because, for a while, I had in my profile that I wanted nail polish... until I got a ton and realized I never do my own nails. The second I removed nail polish from my profile, they stopped sending it to me! They also ask about body care products, such as hair products and lotions. Next, they ask what shades you would be interested in for each product, and what scents you prefer in perfumes. They do also take into account your skin and hair type and then ask for an email and your age. That’s it! If you’re interested, head over to the site to get your first bag!

On to brushes...

Beauty Blender: I genuinely have no idea what the brand is. I think I got it at Target? I linked an e.l.f. blender, which I don’t think mine is, but it looks very similar. 

Foundation: I use a few different things for foundation, and it really depends on which foundation I use. I have a tinted moisturizer a full coverage and a less but still pretty full coverage one. For the tinted moisturizer, I’ll use my firma 103. Yes, I know, it’s a contour brush. I love it though. I’ll also go in with my beauty blender. If I use a fuller coverage foundation, I’ll start off with my Real Techniques stippling brush. 

Setting powder: I have a few different powder brushes and I actually rotate them depending on how close they’ve gotten to my other brushes. Pretty often, I’ll find them with highlighter on them... because they are highlighting brushes. Wow, I really don’t like to use the right brushes, huh?  I use slmissglam’s SL41 most of the time, and sometimes Luxie 522 Tapered Highlighter brush. The slmissglam link is to a set because it doesn’t look like they sell their products individually, but I really like their brushes. 

Eyes: It really depends on what I’m doing with my eyes, honestly. First I’ll walk you through what I’ve purchased on my own. Real Techniques eye set: it looks like it doesn’t exist anymore, but here is the most similar product. The linked product comes with a medium shadow brush, essential crease brush, fine liner brush, shading brush, and a lash separator. Mine came with a base shadow brush, a deluxe crease brush, a fine liner brush, an accent brush and a brow brush.  I also purchased Urban Decay’s F110 finger brush. I cannot say enough good things about this brush. It’s super versitile because it’s meant to mimic the feel and application of your finger. I typically use it to add highlighter to the inside corner. I also have one brush that doesn’t have a name or number but I got it in an Ulta palet that I got this one time. I don’t use the palet anymore, but I do use the brush as a packing brush. 

What I got through ipsy: Mostly crease and blending brushes. Elizabeth Mott blending brush, which is actually my favorite blending brush that I have, Crown Brush C412 DLX. pointed crease, which I don't think I’ve ever used, and three Luxie brushes.  Luxie 205 tapered blending - it’s a little more flexible than the Elizabeth Mott brush, it’s also a little bigger.  Luxie 239 precision shader  And my all-time favorite brush that I have ever received: Luxie 207 medium angled shading. I honestly can’t tell you what I like so much about it, but I’m a huge fan. 

I then have a few other brushes, mostly Real Techniques. I have a blush brush, a fan brush, and a sculpting brush. I’m pretty sure I got them all in a set with the stippling brush mentioned way above. Again, it doesn’t look like it exists anymore, but here’s something similar. 

I also have the max coverage concealer by Bare Minerals. I have absolutely no idea where I got this but it wasn’t from ipsy, I can tell you that. I don’t use that too often anymore because I prefer using a blender, but sometimes I will if I was super full coverage. 

I discovered Disney influencers about a year ago as I was planning my 2017 trip. Somehow, I ended up following one on Instagram, followed by hundreds of others. 

Now, I could make this a 50-part series to feature everyone that I truly love, but instead, I think I’m going to keep it to four. Three will be dedicated to small shops, one post for ears, one post for shirts/clothes, and one post for pins and patches. The last one will be for influencers who do not have a shop but still make me smile every time I see them on my feed. For all of these, I have not necessarily purchased from each shop. I’ll note which ones I have purchased from, but there are many that I’ll be shopping for my next trip.

So let’s talk about ears! 

I get asked all the time what shops people should buy ears from, so here are some of my favorites! 

Aloha Ears About the shop: This shop is owned by Dana and Phillip. They make 3D printed interchangeable ears. Bonus: almost every pair has hidden Mickeys! 3D printed ears are arguably the most expensive, but they make it better by allowing everything to be interchangeable. Every single pair of ears and bow or crown can be easily popped off and back on if you want to switch up your look. They even offer hats that you can pop some ears on! I love following them because their dynamic is absolutely hilarious. They also travel a bunch so you get to see so many different places!  Instagram Shop 

SoulfullyCali About the shop: They have multiple types of ears, pins, and apparel! I only recently discovered them, but I’m already in love with their products. These guys have absolutely everything you could ever need for a Disney trip!  Instagram Shop 

Pixie Supply Co About the shop: I heard somewhere that the makers of these ears are (or used to be?) florists. I honestly don’t remember where I heard this, so I have no idea if it’s true or not, but I believe it. Their ears are designed so flawlessly that they have to have some sort of outside knowledge. If you couldn’t already tell, they make some beautiful floral wire ears. My first set of ears came from them while I was first starting to browse different shops. I fell so in love with their Peter Pan ears that I knew I had to get a pair. They’re so beautiful that I have them hanging on my wall at school.10/10 highly recommend. Instagram Shop

EarsByRay About the shop: Super simple ears but oh so beautiful! All these ears can be either 3D printed open hoops or wire ears. Even though all their ears are similar, they have a HUGE array of bows to choose from! Honestly, they have so many options that you’ll be able to get a pair of ears for each outfit without having to even look at any other shops. Instagram Shop 

EarsByEden About the shop: If you like fluffy bows and sequins, this is the shop for you. What more can I say? These ears are big. They’re fluffy. They’re shiny. And most are sequined! Instagram Shop 

Makings of a Dreamer About the shop: Jaztine is absolutely amazing! When I was looking for ears last summer, I had stopped by her Etsy shop countless times and loved everything.... but nothing quite matched my outfits. I ended up reaching out to her and asking for a custom pair, and she gave me EXACTLY what I was looking for! But this girl does SO MUCH MORE than just ears. She just started releasing her own varsity jerseys, she sells mini backpacks and so many amazing patches! 10/10 highly suggest! I will definitely be going back to her for my next trip! Instagram Shop 

After four years, pop icon, Jesse McCartney, breaks his musical silence with Better with You. This is McCartney’s first single since his fifth album, In Technicolor, and will be followed by a new record later this year.

Better with You starts with an acoustic guitar riff, similar to his 2004 breakout hit, Beautiful Soul. McCartney brings in his signature style but adds some modern flair to the song with a more electronic chorus. This upbeat sound is not uncommon in Top 40 music and is also seen with other popstars from the 90s and early 2000s making their comeback, such as Aaron Carter in his new LP, Love.

The song opens with the lyrics, “I know it’s ugly turning on the news/there’s people fighting over point of view,” a reference to the popular opinion of the current political situation in The United States. He continues to sing, “I know it’s better with you,” a nod to his six-year relationship with girlfriend, Katie Peterson. McCartney explained to song lyric and musical knowledge database, Genius, “every person is a better version of themselves when they have a good, strong partner in their life.”

Jesse McCartney started his musical career in 1999 as a member of pop boy band, Dream Street. In 2004, McCartney released his first solo album, Beautiful Soul. This record has been certified platinum in The United States and peaked at number four on Billboard’s Mainstream Top 40 chart.

McCartney continued his solo career with an additional four records, including Have It All, which was never officially released. McCartney’s 2008 release of Departure featured a newer style that he describes as “fun ‘80s stuff,” a big adjustment from what we are used to from him. This sound continued through his most recent LP, In Technicolor. With Better with You, McCartney changed his sound right back to what fans are used to hearing.

Jesse McCartney is currently touring universities throughout The United States. Upcoming cities include Orlando, Florida and Atlantic City, New Jersey.

It’s mostly just unspoken rules that everyone knows and understands because there’s something called common courtesy ... right?

Nah.

So here are a few things that I thought people just ~knew~ but apparently, they don’t.

When taking a shower, make sure the curtain is INSIDE the shower and CLOSED all the way. 

Before school started, I took it upon myself to purchase a bath mat because we have one at home and I wasn’t sure how I would survive without one when I get out of the shower. It would get soaking wet every single day, and we eventually had to throw it out because it was moldy. This doesn’t happen at home 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you have a common room/lounge, it is to be shared.

There were four of us, but there was one person who was always using that room?

If you see someone doing their homework in the common room, don’t then go in and START WATCHING SOMETHING ON YOUR PHONE WITHOUT HEADPHONES

I just don’t get it. You have your own room. You also own headphones. There are many ways to avoid this situation. What are you doing?

It’s okay to invite your friends over, but don’t have them over every single night.

If/when they do come over, don’t be screaming and laughing in the middle of the night to the point where no one else can sleep.

If you do this, it also takes away all your rights to complain about someone else keeping you up at night. 

I’m very salty if you haven’t noticed. I’m very glad to be out of that room, but I still will never understand why the dynamic was the way that it was. We’re now in 3OH!3, and life is good. Everything is better. There’s also communication, which is always good. There’s no one who’s passive aggressive towards others. I’m so much less stressed than last semester. 

If you grew up watching TRL, like I did, you remember the countless musical guests and the daily countdowns. TRL was a live show that would count down the top music on any given day. TRL was my everything because of how influential they were. 

Because of my love for TRL, I knew that when it came back on TV, I would HAVE to go to a taping! It’s really easy to sign up, and if you’re interested, just go right here! This particular website gives free tickets to many other shows, mostly in New York or California, but there are a few in other cities. I highly suggest the site! 

I signed up for this over break and just selected random dates without knowing who would be on. I didn’t actually care who would be on the show, as long as I was there to watch live. 

This new update on the show was nothing like it used to be. They still have musical guests. They still have the live performances, of which I was front and center (and even made it on TV). The countdown has changed, though. It’s no longer about music, rather about top moments in pop culture. Instead of telling us what the hottest song of the moment is, they discussed Kim Kardashian’s almost-nude Instagram posts. 

I’ll call it my first because my only other surgery was getting my wisdom teeth removed, and I know that not everyone, not even all doctors, counts that as a surgery.

The first 24 hours will be the worst, they said.

I had packing in my nose. Not only was I not able to breathe, but it was putting pressure on my sinuses that I had just had surgery on. It was putting pressure on my mouth and making it impossible to drink my medicine.

You’re in pain because they took the packing out.

When he pulled it out, it felt like he was trying to rip my entire nose out with it. My temperature spiked drastically, and the doctor didn't care when I told him. The three pharmacies that we went to didn’t have the medicine prescribed, and the doctor said he cannot legally prescribe more since it’s a narcotic.

The third day is the worst, they said.

The scabs are starting to form. It’s a good sign that you’re in pain, because that means you’re on schedule. Keep drinking water, you’ll be fine.

You didn’t wake us up in the middle of the night, you should be doing better!

I feel guilty when you wake up at 3:30 because my mouth is dry and I can’t get my medicine down. I’m trying to cry internally so that you can still get a full nights sleep.

The sixth day is the worst, they said.

If every day is the worst, when does it get better? The sixth day is when the scabs start to fall off. If you’re in pain, that means you’re on schedule.

But it’s not just pain. It’s just not discomfort. It’s not just an aching from getting surgery a week ago.

I hadn’t had much to drink all day and I knew I needed an IV. The pain was worse than I had experienced before, I couldn’t even get a chip of ice down.

I started choking. First on water. I eventually couldn’t even get the medicine down. I started yelling at my mom that I couldn’t drink - something she knew all day but didn’t fully understand until she saw the tears. My dad asked me if I had gone to the bathroom at all that day, and decided it was time to go get that IV I had asked for.

The nurses hooked me up to tubes that couldn’t move and left me there for hours. When they eventually came back, they asked me to drink. I explained everything that I had told them earlier about how I’ve been choking on everything. They thought I was overexaggerating, so they gave me some ice and I didn’t see them again for another few hours.

Close to 11, about 4 hours since we got there, my dad had questioned about what happens when I’m due for more medicine. They gave me some narcotics through the IV, and after an hour, the doctor gave me two cups of apple juice. Before he walked away, he said “I have so much faith in you that I brought you a second one”

I’m glad you had faith, but I didn’t.

I resisted taking that sip because I knew how it would turn out. My mom said the pain meds should be working and eventually got me to try it.

I swallowed something, but it wasn’t the juice. Next thing I knew, it was all over me and the table beside me. My dad was running to get towels, meanwhile, the doctor and nurses were nowhere to be found.

A nurse came close to 1 when I was due for my next dose of meds. She gave me something in a syringe and asked me to drink up. I started crying. My parents tried to tell her that I couldn’t get anything down, and she was convinced that it was because I was doing something wrong.

I came into the emergency room because I couldn’t swallow my medicine, but here you are giving me more medicine.

I took one sip and everything seemed fine. The second sip, too. By the third, everything was so backed up in my throat and that medicine ended up right next to the apple juice on my pants. Finally, the nurse believed what I had been saying all along.

I stayed in the hospital that night and one other. Earlier today, I got out.

Although I feel like many people will disagree, I believe that there is a difference between rape and unwanted sex.

Okay, okay, hear me out here.

We all know what rape is. We all know how to classify it. But what about when you have sex with someone when you just don’t want to, but you don’t actually feel too bad about it? I don’t know if this is making sense, so let me just explain.