Reflecting on Age and Faggotry
Recently, someone asked a question of me that made me reflect on my age, and on the forward march of time. The question was about my partner โย โI feel for your struggle but I wonder how itโs going to continue to work, especially as you both get older,โ Anonymous asked โ but it got me thinking as much about my age as my relationship. iโm in my mid-30s now. Still young-ish โ comparatively speaking โ but no longer the young twink who was once the object of so many Menโs desire. Itโs been an adjustment, to be sure. i still feel 24, but i no longer attract the infinite gazes i did back then. Which is a shame, because my maturity and experience have made me a much better faggot than i was back then.
But i digress. My thoughts on age havenโt been only about my youth. Theyโve also been about what it means to be a faggot in the first place.
In my response to Anonymous, i wrote:
i suppose one of two things ultimately will happen: either my sexuality will intensify as i age, in which case i may be driven to change my relationship in pursuit of greater sexual fulfillment, or my sexuality will temper some, in which case i may be willing to leave my faglife behind in order to focus on other sources of fulfillment, including monogamy. Only time will tell. As we age, though, i think that many of us find that both our sexual appetite (our desire) and our sexual appeal (our desirability) wane. And when that happens, we gradually replace sex with other interests. Thatโs not always the case โ there are many seniors with very active and animated sex lives โ but itโs common. So while i donโt actively think about it too often, i suppose i have an assumption inside me that my desirability as a faggot has an expiration date, and that my faggotry therefore has a shelf life of sorts. Someday, we all retire from our profession. i donโt see why faggotry will be any different.
The following comment from @tb27609 persuaded me to reflect further on my commentary:
I think this is a great answer to a thoughtful question. My feelings about infidelity and confession are close to your own; you articulated โourโ position beautifully. The aging thing though? I canโt imagine that Iโll ever NOT want to suck dick. As a young man I always fed older cocksuckers who wanted my cock and cum, hoping karma would keep me well-fed when I was the older cocksucker. So far,so good.
Thanks to @tb27609, i now realize that my initial reaction to the question of aging was misguided. The truth is: i was born a faggot, and i will die a faggot. It may very well be true that i will become less desirable as i get older, and that it will be harder for me to find Alphas to serve. But it was wrong of me to assume that i will somehowย โoutgrowโ my innate faggotry, my innate hunger for cock and my innate thirst for cum. Letโs be honest: i wonโt. i have always craved Alpha cock, and i always will. That i would suggest otherwise is just another example of a faggot trying to reject his fagbrain and resist his fundamental truth.
i donโt know what the future will hold. Perhaps i will make different decisions. Perhaps i will further embrace my faggotry. Or perhaps i will choose to suppress it and deny it. But it will always be there.
i felt like i needed to say that. To own up to my mistake. And to remind myself and all of you that even the most committed of us faggots loses his way sometimes, and forgets who and what he is. Eventually, though, we all remember again: i am a faggot. Not merely byย โoccupation.โ But by my very nature. And try as we might, we simply canโt reject our nature.
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