Undead by Nature, Unmatched in Skill

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

*adds something to my cart* I'm about to make an amazing digital purchase

fucking insane that companies are allowed to advertise to you in your email. fucking insane that companies are allowed to advertise to you in your physical mail!!! telemarketers are allowed to exist! every technology for humans to connect to each other becomes a way for people to lie and bother you to make money!

guy who gets a pepsi from the break room vending machine every day after his work shift & amiably says “gotta have a pepsi!” while grinning & passing it back & forth between his hands but one day the pepsi is sold out & he leaves the building robotically with a completely flat expression & isn’t seen at work again

joe biden should do another stimulus check where the ira sends me a lox bagel. with cream cheese please

irs.

the council has decided that the small guy is the wizard and staff McGee here is the familiar

I like when products are women-owned AND family-owned. you're telling me these women are a family ??

not only is it not friday it’s not even thursday. or wednesday