Fire. Hell Fire.

Working an office job will truly make you have the wildest enemies, bc why is my nemesis rn a woman I’ve never met and who exclusively haunts me by sending diabolical emails, and also a specific guy who left my company before I even worked here and made the system so fuckass that it ruined procedures for like a year

“i also choose this guy’s dead wife” was easily the #1 funniest thing to ever be written on the internet.

i do also feel the need to add that phil8248 really liked the joke. he said his wife had always had a dark sense of humour, even about her illness and death, and seeing the joke made him feel like he was laughing with her one last time.

The mythical disabled person who is so disabled that everyone consistently supports and accommodates them without question is a straw man which only exists as a hypothetical for the political purpose of denying real disabled people care while still being able to argue that said care would be accessible to disabled people who "actually deserves it"

float like a butterfly (nervously forgets end of quote) green like a pea

#my brain deciding what information to retain

oh no everybody who booked a ticket for our service showed up for our service 🥺 the plane that we marketed as being made for this wasnt made for this 🥺 we could never forsee this 🥺🥺 please check your bag 🥺 please please please please please for the good of your fellow passengers check your bag pleaspelaspleaplse 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

it is sooooo funny how effective (some) provinces pulling US alcohol has been at ragebaiting. all these jackasses totally ambivalent to the nine thousand ways the US has been antagonizing and threatening canada, crying furious tears of rage that we won't buy their kentucky bourbon. just funny as hell. i hope we never stock it again

bro, go to Jimmy John's and ask for the Fetty Wop meal. The looks on their faces won't change and they'll give you a buffalo chicken wrap and buffalo chicken flavored chips with a drink of your choice.

just learned from my friend who works at Jimmy John's that the parentheses in the meal name caused a nationwide software glitch for 24 hours that made it so the order was free. Her store had to cancel hundreds of orders that day.

Fetty Wap infinite meal glitch at Jimmy John's

Rose Tyler was so iconic…no job. no father. hopping planets wearing approximately 10 lbs of waterproof drugstore mascara. a man at home who knew full well she was getting her back blown out by debate team captain space alien David Tennant on the regular and would still hang out with her every time she deigned to grace him with her presence. She killed the Devil? what a great character

maybe this is insensitive of me but i find it really funny that the human behavioural response to being sufficiently bored and isolated is to devise increasingly creative ways to harm our bodies and risk our lives just to have something to react to. and no small amount of innovation has been achieved this way. yeah sorry but if you don't give me enough treats and puzzles i'm going to start hurting myself for fun.

I mean sincerely, viewing it this way can be helpful like: oh you want to pluck out your feathers like a stressed parrot? which of your zoological needs aren't being met?

seething about the fact that i will never experience photosynthesis in my own useless cells. i bet it feels so good when the light of the sun both warms you and fuels you at the same time. a bone-deep satisfaction mixed with a heated sugar-rush and endless brightness. not that i would fucking know