Al1ve

intro!!!

hi my is Smith!! I am an trans male (Ftm)and have been since August 2025. I have dyslexia and possible ADHD(can't get checked) and a lot of mental issues, i am between 13-17 but will not state age unless asked under DMs. I am open to questions and will answer all of them, no rules.

Music I like!!!

The Smiths, alex g, Lovejoy, Nirvana, blink-182, AC/DC, Omori OST, musicals, a bit of the Beatles, rebxzzy, Korn, green day. STARTING !!! To get into the Nu metal scene / 90s electric music and would be very GRATEFUL of you people too send me recommeions,,, I like bits of SOAD, The offspring, I LOVE LOVE LOVE INSANE CLOWN POSSE !!!!!!!!!!!!! TALK TOO ME ABOUT ICP AND MY LIFE IS YOURS... I love adrianne Lenker, Avril whatever her last name is I can't spell last namessss:(

Songs i like!!!

I heart you(not), here comes the sun, all the small things, highway too hell, and so much more!!!

Fandoms/ communitys /fanbases

Zero day, Minecraft, Omori, dont strave together, true crime. Guitars, geography(yes this IS a fan base...shhh), Sam and Colby, One Wheat Mark, Buck shot fantasy. Indie games. TCC(favorite preps down below). Duck! The carbine masscure. Heather's. Beetlejuice(movie and the musical, NO bj jr does NOT count I will eat your ankles if you say it is.) Ride The Cyclone. And probably like 4 more I'm forgetting about..

Tags i'll try to use..

Dumbasses Bitch Ass ranting.

Silly rant

Vent

Oh goodness this guy Smith again

In my history it has "roblox account" and "roblox"

Hi hello I never looked these up I think I failed the uh the test here but at least I was honest ig,

I belive everything the Bible says! Do I live by it? No.

I believe that if Christianity is all about "love everyone" then why is half of the community against LGBT? Thats not very loving.

I myself do not identify with a certain religion right now as I am still getting over things that happened with the people who deem themselves a Christian.

You say your a Christian but you force religion on people.

You say your a Christian but you judge others

You say your a Christian but you spread hate on anything or anyone you don't like.

You say your a Christian but you don't let others have their own beliefs.

yeeeeeah its not but also tbh im Basically just shit talking him here if you really think about it,

I've known him for a year and our one year relationship anniversary is coming up but also he does have reasons for why he acts and sometimes he apologies. But also I do not want to leave him just because I'm an overthinker and half of the things I say on here is just me mid overthinking or just overall acting out on emotions.

It's not all toxic and we do have quite the few happy moments! Just wish I had the confidence to say everything I post here.

Also if I leave him now I'm going to end up driving myself insane but I'm trying to get things to turn back around and make the relationship happier then what it is on both party's. What I do not post on here is how toxic I am as well.

Accouding to him and smn else i've made having a bf my whole personality (i always viewed it as me trying to be affection of which I'm not good at showing,)

I say "i'll do better i'll change" then proceed to not change but I have reasons to!

I'll disappear and go try to do something bad and he always ends up having to deal with it.

Unfortunately I'm a bit toxic as well so I shouldnt even really be talking, I just miss the good days where I didn't notice and I felt like I was the only one he could run to and not have to worry about having a fight with.

💀 myself message cuz tell me why he blocked me again on Tumblr

Asked me about if i've gotten any weird ask when I said I didmt get really any last I check he told me to keep checking?

Dude if this is something my bf is actually doing Im going to slowly let him go I am NOT going to have smn I am dating tell me that

Also why is it whenever I try to get transition goals or anything I get told something bad? Like, for a second I made a joke calling Kurt cobain a translation goal (hes not if anything I find goals in different styles of which look masc) but he's always bringing up that Kurt cobain thing and it's upsetting me

Wake up.

Go downstairs and grab my phone

Sit down

Text my bf good morning

Text / call him a bit

He stops replying

Go to gas station and get some form of drink

Get home

Go upstairs to my bedroom and lay in bed

Continue to lay in bed for like 6 hours

Eat dinner

Go back to bed upstairs and text with bf and bsf if their online

Family goes to bed

Bf goes to sleep

I stalk tumblr / tiktok

Also I learned that traditional art is so much easiier

HEY

guys this is my main account

no worries! Sending you a DM :)

a

One of them is my friend and the other is my boyfriend- I sometimes post about my boyfriend but refer to him as my partner so if he does find this account I'm not going to be sent to the pits of firey hell and I can bypass this account as a different person (im joking with the hell part)

so i do believe that this trio I'm in is fairly toxic and we've tried to disband the trio many times but all three of us have bad attachment issues and all are not mentally well. (One of us can't control it due to a disorder,) and we end up going back but tbh it's not AS bad as I make it seem.

Actually most days we're hanging out it's pretty fun! This account was made as a vent account which ended up just be coming a rant account

Mutual respect isn't just needed in a poly even though this isn't a poly relationship but it's rather something between my boyfriend and my friend happens and I'm stuck in the middle of dealing with it before just making things worse because simply I can't comfort very well (as much as I wish I did do a better job.) And sometimes just like most friendships have days we're all pissed off at each other! Some days worse then others but while I do believe our trio is toxic I can tell you the trio is fading out.

Its a fun trio and I love my bf(romantic) and my friend (in a non romantic way.)I just simply have really bad issues with anxiety and depression to the point where some days my anxiety clashes and I run to here to vent.

As much as i'd LOVE to talk to my boyfriend about this I also know that it's not going to go well but I also know I have many things I need to talk to him about, just need to build up that confidence,