Safer Apart
daddy: Alexander Jacob, where are you?
me: in here, daddy. watching cartoons.
daddy: *walking to the doorway, holding an empty bag of Oreos* what is this?
me: it looks like trash, daddy.
daddy: we bought these yesterday. now, they’re gone.
me: it’s ok. they’ll make more, and we can just buy them again. see, that’s how stores work.
daddy: you are supposed to ask me if you can have a cookie. not eat a whole bag in one day.
me: I couldn’t find you.
daddy: that’s no excuse. come over here.
me: becuz why?
daddy: you know why. you’ve just earned yourself a spanking.
me: no! you can’t!
daddy: oh, and why?
me: it’s too dangerous right now for that. there’s the virus. it can spread through snot when I cry. it’s not safe, you could get sick.
daddy: zander, I’m not going to ask again.
me: it’s called social distancing! I promise. it’s a real thing. Elmo said it on tv!
daddy: if I have to come over there, I’m going to get my hairbrush.
me: I’m trying to PROTECT you!
daddy: ok. that’s it. I’m getting the brush.
me: *running to the kitchen* no. no. listen! you gotta stay six feet apart from me at all times! six feeeeeet!
