Rants

Since getting engaged my life has gotten a million times more complicated. It has for sure not been easy, which is insane because my fiance is in prison! It should be easy, for the most part. 

My husband runs a store and the way it works is he sells to the inmates at a cheaper cost and I get the payment out here for myself. It's how he feels he is doing his duty as a future husband and provider. Problem is some people don't want to pay with cash out here, but with other luxurious items they have brought into them, or bought there. 

The problem with this is that I am relying now on possibilities instead of a steady-secure income. I lost my job, so this is what I’ve got going for me right now and I have to accept it. It frustrates me though, not having that security and it messes with our relationship. We have been going through shit lately. So many fights and I can not deal anymore. I'm not sure what to do. Some of me wants to leave but when I'm with him all the problems don't seem nearly as important to me as keeping this man in my life does. 

He comes home next year, seems pointless to give in now after all this waiting. 

Aside from my relationship problems, my financial ones are causing me to become exhausted even when I have no reason to be. I have no jobs so I should be energized, but Im not. School is starting soon as well and I still have not bought my books because I have no means of purchasing them. Then there are my kids who need books of their own and other items. My boy is living right now at the fact that I told him he can no longer use the car. I wish he would understand its for his benefit. If anything were to happen while he is driving that's a 2500$ fine and possibility of 6 months in jail. I couldn't live with myself if this were to happen.