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I don’t get why people can’t just leave me alone if they don’t actually like me. They keep thinking I’m acting/performing as if this shit is fucking fun for me.

#actually traumatized #cptsd vent #actually cptsd

cutecapybarapics

𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 >> 𝐒𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠

ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ꜱᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴇᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇᴍ

#bpd feels #truamacore #3db1r #⭐️ vent motiv #tw b3d #tw ed implied #actually traumatized #tw mia ed #£d vent #actually bpd #sadgirl #sadcore #4n4bl0g #4n4angels

It’s as if I can’t help but ignore my instincts. No matter what people will always work their way closer to me just to try and victimize themselves bc I can’t respond how they need me to to feel secure.

I am genuinely, verifiably better off alone.

#cptsd vent #actually cptsd #actually autistic #actually audhd #i hate it here #leave me alone

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stargirl1l

The instinct to resist remains, but it fades as I continue to surrender to the themes of my reality.

mementomorih

sincere-surrender

Guy I wanted to be with triggered a core wound by pointing out different ways that I’m kid-like and now I need to die alone.

sincere-surrender

I can say with confidence he didn’t have malicious intent one way or the other the times it’s happened (he doesn’t know it’s a trigger). But that doesn’t stop my mind from spiraling unfortunately. 🫩

I just can’t handle feeling pathetic & like a child in comparison to my partner or being accused of sparking someone’s ddlg kink again.

#tw vent

xanaxfarts

04-18-2024

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Guy I wanted to be with triggered a core wound by pointing out different ways that I’m kid-like and now I need to die alone.

#it wasn’t on purpose #actually traumatized #actually dissociative #did system #cptsd vent #vent blog #actually bpd

ehxia-blog

Regression is not relaxing, healing or voluntary for me.

It is a default setting I had to build whole alters around in order to be able to seem normal in day to day life. I won’t even unmask around myself bc I hate being an adult child. Nothing I do has been able to force me to permanently mature out of things that are deemed childlike mannerisms that come out if I ever get too comfortable and forget to police myself.

It also makes me sick the amount of partners I’ve had that I was comfortable enough to be more of myself around only for them to drag me into their predatory kinks.

I have literally tried to kill myself over this inability to internally grow up but I’m currently under watch so I can’t try again for some time.

#cptsd vent #cptsd thoughts #actually traumatized #actually did #actually cptsd #actually plural #actually dissociative #age regression #actually autistic #age regressor

sincere-surrender

My most recent villain origin story moment was relapsing into orthorexia losing > 10 lbs watching everyone around me including strangers suddenly become nicer and more interested; only to then be discarded when I relapsed into BED & gained the weight back.

I hate this shallow species so fucking bad.

sincere-surrender

Anyway all that triggered another ortho relapse and I lost 8lbs in 8 days. Learning how truly evil people are killed my appetite real bad.

#3db1r #⭐️ vent motiv #€d vent #€d rant #£d blog #£d diary #£d vent

u-me-and-insomnia

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I hate how I convince myself that the most common coincidences are sacred synchronicities 🙄

#limerence #actually bpd #bpd blog #bpd stuff

#Spotify

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