Justin Isaiah North

Want to build a ladder to the sky, oh so high

Take me away from here, let me climb high enough to give me hope but also high enough that I’m afraid to fall

And lose it all

I’ve already lost myself, my book has already been written and placed on a shelf

I want to build the ladder myself but it’ll be too brittle and I know I need help

I want to sleep but I can’t say, I want to waste the day away, days blur together with repetition

Keeping away is my religion, dream of places I wish to be but I only visit in my sleep

At first it’s innocent but then unrequited, wondering if a bullet was dodged or they meant it

I’m only happy when I sleep, when I lay awake my emotions are bleak, I’m a slave behind my own walls

When there’s interaction my emotions begin to sprawl, I cannot see past these walls, knowing this could be my fall

I see things and hesitate, I dream to levitate

No better time for me, though I hate aging

Often times I think what’s to come

Very few times am I excited because it’s old

Even though I enjoy being around family

Might make a wish this time

Bringing gifts are awkward but nice

Every wish and gift counts

The slamming of metal started to become a reoccurring thing for me, I check out when I clock in and check in when I clock out

I’m good at my job when I let go and let my mind run about

I mean it’s the only way to live right? I go in during the day and don’t come out until night

Rinse and repeat

The hours are long and I barely see sleep, but I’ve grown accustomed to it

I don’t see my life past this, I sacrificed my passions to make a living off of a quick buck

Like a bullet from a gun, better run better run

It explodes, my bones shatter my brains cluttered my life flicks by like camera shutters

I rebuilt the walls you’ve broken, this is the life I’ve chosen

I’ll lash out to keep you away, I’ll make you hate me but still love you to keep you at bay

Stay away before it gets worse, my heart already hurts

I can’t tell you what’s worse, I’ll make you stay away

I’ll disappear for some days, I’ll lie if you ask if I’m okay, anything to keep you at bay

So stay away

To pluto to mars, to mars to pluto

With all the shining stars in between

Light the way for me in the darkest hours and remind me of my dreams

Guide me in the right direction and allow me to grow from my lessons

Protect me when I’m aware and unaware

Keep me safe, keep me safe

To pluto to mars, to mars to pluto

With all the shining stars in between

Light the way for me in the darkest hours and remind me of my dreams

Guide me in the right direction and allow me to grow from my lessons

Protect me when I’m aware and unaware

All my life I wanted to find someone and I’ve found no one

It took a while to get used to and I was always jealous of someone having someone

Where for me I’m alone but I’m not alone because I know that there are others who feel the way I feel

So therefore I’m alone but not alone

I admire others more than I admire myself

I know that there’s something wrong and I wish I could seek help but for me in the situation I’m in it’s easier said than done

So therefore I have no one

I am alone

Writing is all I do

Writing is all I have

Without writing

Don’t you know you can fly? Them wings ain’t imaginary, spread your wings and fly

You belong to the sky, you belong to the sky

That’s your only limit

Don’t be timid about spreading your wings even though there will be others who won’t believe in those things because society and pressure made them clip their wings

And they’re used to the ground because it’s easy to walk down a linear path, they had the same drive as you but then they crashed

But don’t be sad and don’t clip your wings

I started this at 12am on this night

This is as honest as I get, sometimes I wish I could make it make sense

But all people that are born a genius are counted out as crazy right?

Some sleepless nights and so much doubt in my backpack it started to spill out, if you could see the bulge you’ll see that it can’t fit no more

So it started to spill all over the floor and follow me wherever I go

A big weight on my back that I created myself and all it does is stack and I can’t let go

Most weight comes from me but others stack on anyway to make their load lighter

I’m a quiet person I’m not a fighter but if there was rope to spare I’d wrap it around your neck and squeeze tighter

Til the eyes burst so you can feel my hurt, and the silent pain I carry

I want to let my load off and I finally used it on someone else to make myself feel good

But I feel worse and now we both hurt

What was the worth?

What is it worth?

To hurt just so yours can have a little taken off

But what about me? I’m just as complex as you

If not worse but you wouldn’t know because all I do is hold and hold until I can’t hold no more

I am a puppet, I am a prisoner

Trapped in this cell, living in hell wrapped around your finger how can’t you tell

You locked me away and sent me to shelf, I need some help

I need advice, it’s clear that is fucked up but I still feel nice

I can’t run away, I want you to stay, I’m quick to ignore but for you I’ll respond when you say hey

I thought I was over it I thought I moved on, but the feelings for you are driving me crazy it’s something I long

I can’t make a song without fucking up

How can I win you over cause I’m not giving up

My emotions amuck, I wonder if you think of me or did you give up