#chasmish#

People will not let you divert from the path, just because their life security is dependent on them......... Selfishness or Love ???

It is early morning, have been up. Can't Sleep the entire night due to avoidance of meds consumption.

If you ask me why, avoidance of meds. I would say, I am no Guru here. I have no advocacy about it's cons. My concern is the meds are no longer available in the market (without doctor's prescription).

Now, why a Doctor's prescription is a concern? I don't wanna deal with psychiatrist because I keep on changing the places. 1) Changing an MD doctor is expensive 2) Every Doctor wants to treat his way (a new trend or just a way to pitch sales...only God knows) 3) Many psychiatrist lack empathy, well combating with any illness I believe this is the most important trait of this profession 4) Do not keep on trying multiple drugs, when I have explored the effect and side effects of multiple chemicals (just because a YOU say so...). 5) My diagnosis (as of now) is not that serious, hence, trying to manage it with behavior science.

After quitting various meds except for SOS (well I can't quit all, as at times there is crisis ....panic attack...anxiety attack etc). I have noticed the change in behavior, hence, I am curious of my own behavior trait at this point of life.

Do not want to engage in activities that involve addiction (specifically with negative impacts). Once again I want to sight, I do not have any personally judgement on this, as all depends on how your life's situation is ....how you want to deal with it.

Is Alcohol Bad - Yes, if you can't tolerate and your behavior is impacting other people.

Is Smoking Bad - I don't think so, but in the end if you are going to rely on it to solve your all problems. You are just going to create another problem for yourself, with no possible solutions for the crisis.

Life is not easy, also it is not a fantasy. It is reality which has be lived (enjoyed or not completely depends, as I don't believe that enjoyment is the highest power to gauge survival). You need to train your brain to take emotions backseat, the only way to deal with it is to feel and heal.

Do I think anyone can derive learning from my epilog? No, it is just vent....people have their own life situation...learning curve and experience.

At this age wen you mature you reason that there are so many things that you need to unlearn and still is the current learning going to be definitive, NO!!

Let's be honest, we all get scared. Thoughts like loosing job, being bankrupt, losing a loved one and even being forever alone can scare you too death. Resolution?? Nothing simply nothing. You have very limited control to what happens to you, but as all say "major" control only comes to your reaction/thinking/attitude towards a given fear or problem. I know it is easier said then done, but it can be done so there is no harm in trying. Right!!

1) Fear to lose a job, keep on upskilling and work towards your passion and not for just money. There will be harsh times, you will earn less but eventually you will cope up.

2) Losing a loved one, it is the most difficult of all and there is no immediate fix or replacement for it. The pain is inevitable, but their memoir will be celebrated by you someday. If you believe in higher powers, it would be easier. If not believe in science.

3) Going bankrupt, don't be reckless in your spending. Apart from this just have faith, poverty is not a the end. Try finding joy without money and try harder to make up for the rainy days.