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I’m so emotionally tired I’m crying

#void vents #tfw your friend is suicidal and you’re the one he talks with during his episodes #I wish he could talk to a therapist

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My friend is an IT buff and practices pen-testing ‘cause he’s looking to go into cyber security. Today I asked him the very-wrong-out-of-context question of “so what do you penetrate at home”

#into the void #it’s okay we both laughed #also pen testing is like trying to get into systems to find vulnerabilities I think

simpotat

What they don't tell you about being friends with men

simpotat

Can’t believe I have to say this

#into the void

What they don't tell you about being friends with men

#into the void #but at least he's not going out and doing it (yet)#(I joked that it's because “he is one” but not quite. he's not gay unfortunately. everything else checks out though)

Something no one prepared me for about being friends with a cishet man is being compared to a car

#into the void #“it has a special place in my heart. just like you :)”#like wow. what an honor #it has at this point happened multiple times. I don't quite have the heart to tell him how off-putting this is I'm sure he means well #but uh. yeah

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In honor of Le Spookeh Month I am turning into a skeleton

#into the void #not a vent?#I've lost a lot of weight recently because of uni and it's. weird #my cheekbones have never been this pointy #it's wrong... my face is supposed to be round... this is not who I am in my heart #(but I'm working on it)#(my friend says he's never dealt with a girl before who wanted to gain weight instead of lose it lmao)#(I'm just so quirky I guess (my beauty standard is 2010s Disney cartoons))#((also health matters to me more ig))#tw weight #don't know what else to tag

Me and my friend are both familiar with the demon shows but have exact opposite opinions of them

For instance

He faves (and sorta kins??) the strawberry deer serial killer while feeling sympathetic for the se.xual harrasser owl

And I’m just sitting here like

#into the void #that demon show #AND I DON’T SAY A GODDAMNED THING. TO BE CLEAR #I keep my judgements to myself #but like. this is the opposite of a blessing I think

WikiHow to reintegrate yourself into the online friend group you flaked out of about two years ago

#void vents #:')#the Discord is so full of people. I am intimidated

M.ansplaining Inkt.ober to my friend so he sees what it feels like when he does it to me with other things

#into the void #he means well. but sometimes it’s annoying #I mean most of the time he’s right to assume I won’t get something because I’m a lil tupid #but other times it’s like. bro

Friend just sent me an A.I gen.erated image of a joke we made earlier… that he put in the prompt for himself… like bro…

#into the void #and yes. he knows #should I consider disowning him /j

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Having no self-esteem and being guilty for existing and hating yourself since forever is great because then one day someone eventually comes along and loves you and it feels like your body is violently rejecting your organs

#void vents #the cognitive dissonance is crazy #nobody's ever been in love with me before. that I know of (so it's most likely correct). I'm having a weird time #not actually really a vent but kinda personal so I'm tagging

Kind of unreasonably pissed off about the game actively sabotaging my attempted All Positive Relationships run of it. On the brink of starting to write vent fanfiction about this

#into the void #it WOULD be a banger but that's not the point here #...the point is that I need to report this bug in the server #ugughghughghg

I'm ngl I'm beginning to get sick of this game

#into the void #and I hate that my friend bought it for me #because now it feels like his money went down the drain #because I wouldn't shut up about it (so he knew I wanted it in the first place. shouldn't have said anything)#my favorite character thinks I'm shitting on him my laptop fans kick into overdrive any time I play. I've made it through four days-#-and I have to RESTART but speed through a bunch of dialogue first with characters I'd already met in the previous game #also the people in the official server are being slightly patronizing #“you just have to pick the good options :) you can do it :)” I'm TELLING YOU I've been doing that. god.#do you think I can't tell if an option is assholish or not #I did not misclick. I would also notice that immediately. because the characters have different reactions to different dialogue #I clicked a slightly dismissive option ONE. TIME. on the second day. ONCE #but that second day itself opened ominously with him so that game file was doomed way before that #no one believes me because it's so absurd #well yeah it is. that's why I was shocked and appalled #I really do not want to come to hate the character because of this but goddamn nothing's working out for me lately #it is actually fascinating

get bought cool dating game

excited.png

start playing

favorite character (yippee!!)

he seems to think you're being mean to him every time you come back to him

what

the fuck

game is being a dick to you

you've already been feeling bad & like everyone hates you & you're annoying. this is supposed to be escapism

your favorite character's starting to hate you in the game

you're headed for a hate route and can't do shit about it

pain.png

post about confusion in the official server's character thread

get timed out

by an admin

why?

what have you done wrong

they did not say what you have done wrong

yeah looks like everyone hates you & you're annoying

even the game

even the server

cry.png

#void vents #yeah sorry I could only vent about this in 4chan bullet point style #I am in a very specific kind of hell rn

WikiHow do you express gentle concern over someone's wellbeing without sounding subtly condescending or perhaps even infantilizing

#into the void #just overthinking every single syllable that leaves my brain and escapes into the world. so y'know. the usual #I just think my friend kinda overdoes going places and helping people and doesn't rest enough #wish I could eyedrop the exact flavor of feelings from one heart (mine) to another (theirs)#instead of wondering endlessly if the subtext is coming across #or how they might be interpreting it in ways I didn't intend

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It sucks that I have to keep blocking innocent accounts because they find my profile/posts somehow and interact when I don't want them to (context: if you see this post and I've never talked to you. DNI)

But anyway

That fic sent me on a scroll down my AU's tag and I found a handful of people who are creeped out and upset by it. And think it would be much better if she didn't win and was punished. My rejection sensitive ass is. Pondering. And attempting to be neutral about it

#into the void #like it wasn't addressed to ME I just looked up the AU name and that's why I even saw it #though I mean it's okay if you don't like this AU. even I don't like this AU. that's why I left forty asks to grow mold in my inbox #I just don't give a shit about it anymore man #I'm so happy to inspire people but I don't think I'd do much with it. like yeah I know the story is bleak and boring #exactly why I'm not touching it #y'all can imagine or write an alternative if you want where she gets beaten to death with hammers I sincerely don't care

Fuckkk guys my commissioner replied to me on Di.scord about my idea... and it's five whole messages. Did I fuck up the characterization this bad

#into the void #I know I ought to be more professional #it's just that RSD is currently beating me with hammers #but I have to open the chat... and read it... I get paid for this #I can't be a pussy #okay okay. whatever they say to correct I'll correct. nothing to take personally. let's just cooperate to work toward adequacy here #fellas send me strength...#edit: ...update. they sent five messages because they were excited. they actually like it #funny how I always deem that the least likely scenario #right away

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