Be with someone who will take care of you. Not materialistically, but take care of your soul, your well being, your heart.

It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. It may not be the day after tomorrow, but what you do now matters more than you think.

Before I fall in love again 1. I want us to be friends. Which means, I want to be able to eat my favourite cheese crust pizza with you, while having cheese all over my face and even in my hair, without feeling embarrassed or concerned about it. I want to be comfortable with you, I want to be okay about being messy, irritating, embarrassing, disgusting, petty while with you. Because I will be petty when I see my ex best friend post a happy picture and I will be messy during my finals and I will be embarrassing when I meet your parents for I suck at meeting parents. I want to be okay with being the way I am and the only way to be okay is to know that you’re okay with me being things other than beautiful, graceful and composed at all times. 2. I want to be able to have long and passionate conversations with you not just about existential things but also about what went wrong in the ending of that book and how kids are affected by media and how tomato basil combination always works. I want to have conversations where we may not always have the same views but our fundamental values always fall in place. I want to talk to you about the beauty of the stars but I also want to talk to you about the disgusting mentality behind certain societal norms. 3. I want to see how consistent your actions are with your words. I don’t want to fall for love letters or poems, for sweet Instagram captions or long birthday texts, I want to fall in love with you showing up on time and keeping your promises. 4. I want to take it slow. I want our story to work out in years, not months. I want to respect time and space this time. 5. I want to make sure I am not seeking love from you for the lack of love I have for myself. I want to make sure you aren’t a void I am filling in, you are not an alternative to the things I can’t give myself. I want to make sure you are not doing the same. 6. I want to work out with my insecurities and fears from the past. I don’t want to project them on you, I don’t want to subject you to the doubts, suspicion and anger I carry from the people I have known in the past. 7. Before I fall in love again, I want to make a mattress with you. Of understanding and respect and trust. So when we fall, it doesn’t hurt.

I’m not the type of person to give up on someone. Yes, sometimes I get really mad and upset so I need a minute to cool off but I’ll never abandon you. I don’t leave people. And I think that’s why it always hurts so bad when people leave me. Because I can’t fathom leaving you

No one warns you about sleepless nights, about unproductivity and the mundane, no one tells you growing up that one day you’ll find yourself bleeding your wounds out on the bedroom floor, or how bathrooms are sanctuaries; no one tells you about the fatal attraction towards the unhealthy that you adopt time and time again; no one warns you about the real dangers of the world- loneliness and pain, and all the ways you deal with them. They tell you not to smoke or drink or have sex, but they forget to teach you kindness to yourself, they forget to teach you self-love; they forget to teach you how to cope with rejection and pain, they tell you to forgive but never teach you how, they tell you to love but never the consequences of failed loves, they warn you about heartbreaks from lovers but never those from family and friends, they tell you to dream but kill it before you can climb its ladder, they read you fairy tales but lack imagination, they tell you life is hard, that the world is ugly, but you never see them making it less of all that, then you grow up not knowing what to believe or who to be, with your heart still young but wounded, and your spirit yearning but reluctant. You have a body with too many marks, eyes with too many scars, you carry hope like a sacred flower- all its petals fall each time the world disappoints you, and instead of abandoning it, you go tape it back together; and here you are, all patched up- old cotton cloth and rusty car parts; you’re barely alive, and in love with the idea of what life could live up to be, and though it never does, you never give up, and I would say that’s what makes you strong, that that’s what makes you beautiful, but all it makes you, is a dreamer. People never teach us these things growing up because they too carry flowers of their own, and they don’t want you to grow up without hope, because if you knew all this when you were too young, then you would not make it this far, and it would be a shame, because there is so much more to life than all this, and the only way to have it all, is to carry the flower of hope in your heart.