Chainsaw in the Kitchen

“It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make, sure. But seriously. You’ve been busy with school, I’ve been busy with school, and things have been…well, we should just go on a date. If you want?”

“We should, I agree. Tonight works.”

“More so you’re a kiss-ass. So…we should go out tonight.”

“Should we? You’d want to be seen with a kiss ass?”

“Doesn’t really surprise me that you’re teacher’s pet.”

“Because I’m charming as fuck?”

“Yeah, yeah. I guess they do.”

“And my professors love me.”

“Sure about that, Meeks?”

“My grades speak for themselves.”

“Still not totally convinced that you don’t cheat.”

“I”m smarter than I look, Holliday.”

“Consider yourself lucky…or cursed. I don’t fucking know how you want to take it, but I don’t really…being open with people isn’t really me so. I tend to do my best when I’m all interal thoughts stay internal, weakness can’t be shown, game face on at all times. This…with you…it’s been something else. I really am sorry, Simon. I was stupid and I understand why you’re upset.”

“It’s pretty obvious you’ve been torn up.” Simon shook his head. “I should just go.” He turned on his heel to go, his chest felt a lot like it was going to cave in.

Quinton was silent for a moment before releasing a deep sigh. “We’re stupid. We’re really fucking stupid, thinking we could avoid this, feelings, any of it. Just saying we’re fucking and thinking that makes it true. Simon I - I just got out of something that I thought was real and serious and I just - right now I’m really fragile. I don’t act like it often, I know that, but I just don’t want to end up getting hurt or worse…hurting you more than I already have.”

“Are you serious?” Simon paused, looking at the man. “You don’t really hide the fragile thing. Like at all.” At least not from him. Simon sighed. “You’re right, You’re... right.” They were both too far into it.

“What the fuck do you want from me, Simon? I said that I was sorry, I said that I made a mistake. I can’t take it back. All I can do is say I didn’t fucking mean it. What, do you want me to call Dean right now, tell him that I was fucking lying? That I don’t believe any of those things I said because you’ve been better to me in the past three days than he has in the past three fucking years?”

“I shouldn’t care this fucking much. I shouldn’t care what you say about me, what you tell your ex about me. but I fucking do and I fucking hate that because- because it fucking means that everyone was right and I am deeper into this than I meant to be.”

“I never asked you to do any of those things. So you don’t get to now say that you did it for me. You did it for yourself because you wanted to fuck me, Simon. That’s all. And yeah, it was fucking convenient at first, but that isn’t why I kept coming to you with…fucking everything.”

“I did do it for you, asshole. Have I tried to do anything with you the past few days?” He asked. “No, because I know you’re in a bad place and I didn’t care. I was fine with just... being there. I didn’t come here tonight planning to fuck.” He ran his hands through his hair and stepped back. “I just- Fuck you, Quinton.”

“You’ve seen me. I could have anyone I fucking wanted. I chose you, Meeks. I fucking chose you. I know damn good and well that I fucked up in my conversation with Dean. I was weak and I let someone hateful and cruel toy with my emotions, again, I understand that. Now I’m not going to tell you again, you need to leave, Simon.”

“You chose me? You chose me because I was convenient, because I was some stupid kid willing to be your rebound. I’ve been lying to my family for you, I got into a big ass fight with my best friend for you!”

“Right. Really fucking worried. That’s why you bring up my ex, despite knowing that I don’t like hearing about him. Just so you can tell me how he wanted to fuck you. So do it, Simon. Fuck my ex, okay? I don’t care. In fact, I’m fucking glad cause at least now I know where we stand and I don’t want to wonder about it any more.”

“I brought it up because I needed to hear from you if what he said was true, If you’d throw me under the bus for him and I did not get the answer I wanted. Like you ever actually wondered. You were using me because you didn’t have anyone else.”

“Yeah. You win, Simon. Okay? It’s done. Us, this, everying it’s…done. Just…go. I don’t fucking care. Go fuck Dean, don’t go fuck Dean. I don’t care. Just…go. I’m sorry I ever thought this was a good idea and I’m sorry I started to feel - I’m just sorry. So please, go.”

“Fuck you, Quinton. Don’t act like I was anything more to you than sex.” Simon snapped at the man. “You don’t get to act like I did something wrong. I was coming over because I was worried about you.”

“Right. Cool.” Quinton swallowed hard as he looked away, wanting nothing more than to mask a hurt expression he was sure was evident on his face. “I…I think that you should go, Simon. Just….go. Please.”

“Yeah, fucking sucks doesn’t it.” Simon snapped. He hated the look on Quinton’s face but- Simon didn’t handle being hurt very well, and to him, the easiest way to fix hurt was... apparently to hurt the person that hurt him. 

“I know. I understand. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Simon. I’ll…I can walk you out. I shouldn’t have done it and I just - I got swept up again and that’s my fault.” Quinton nodded slightly, running his fingers through his hair as he made his way to the front door again. “I’m sorry.”

“You know- maybe I will go back and try to find him. I have to defend my honor after all.” Simon snapped, still mad about it. He had expected Quinton to tell him that Dean had made it up, that he would never say something like that. “Yeah, I’m sure you are.”

“Simon…that was before we - before this started being more of a thing. Please…don’t go. I know I fucked up, I know I did. I’m sorry. If you want me to get on my knees and beg, I fucking will I just - don’t leave me.”

“I dont’ want you on your knee.” Simon snapped. “But it’d be nice to know that I’m not fucking someone who’s going to turn around and shit talk me behind my back. especially to a piece of shit who comes to hit on me just to try and- I don’t even know, fuck with you I guess.”