Spit Polish the Universe

It’s so funny to me that soccer games can end with a score of 0-0 like imagine going to see a soccer game and both teams just run around the field for 90 minutes doing absolutely nothing and nobody scores any points and at the end of the 90 minutes they’re like well. Guess that’s that. Great soccer game guys.

nothing online is ever truly deleted. except that one fucking thing you're looking for

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

I literally CANNOT read the words "supine" or "prone" in anything without thinking about that post that's like "supine is when you lay on your s(u)pine and prone is when you lay on your pronis"

children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream