Spit Polish the Universe

a really funny thing about working with seeds in a day to day capacity is that you really need the seeds to stay in one place at any given moment, and the seeds disagree. so it’s just like, seeds end up on the floor. seeds end up on the desk. seeds appear in the crack between the glass plate of the microscope stage and its surrounding metal casing. seeds are around the dumpster outside. sweeping up seeds, patching up bags of seeds, picking seeds off your clothes and from between keyboard keys, very carefully transferring seeds into containers less likely to cause catastrophe should the seeds breach containment, like it’s just an uphill battle built into the work. almost as if the seeds are hyperevolved to disperse themselves or something

I’ve lived alone cooking for one and I’ve been the main cook in the house for several people. I’ve worked with a budget of ten dollars and I’ve worked with a weekly budget of three hundred dollars. And either way there’s just never enough freezer space somehow.

bri'ish food is nothing special but every time i walk into the local fish n chip place i ask for a medium and they hand me a parcel of vinegar soaked fries so thick i struggle to carry it home with two hands. they look me in the eye and know theyve given me enough potato to feed me for a week. and for what. like 4 quid. you gotta respect the quantity over quality approach of it sometimes.

my advice for women is eat more, shave less, and do whatever the fuck you want

#1 rule of comedy is never punch down. #2 rule is any named soup is funny. bisque, chowder, vichyssoise, gazpacho, gumbo etc. all funny

unfortunately if Arthur Conan Doyle was alive today he would spread misinformation in a weekly podcast