As a Chitra Rising, Ardra Sun/Moon in the 10H. I always resonated with this GIF as cringe as it is. I feel like the epitome of female rage and "ugliness" on the inside, but I always knew I could perform whatever whenever if I tried. I am not always motivated, though. It depends on my environment. I was always good with authorities (even when I hated them), but secretly, the rebel in the family. This is something I can see myself saying to my mother when she would worry about what people would say. As a teenager, I had a classmate write notes to us in her poetry book when she published it. She wrote a personalised "to the most _ person" for everyone. She wrote charismatic for me. I was stunned cause back then I saw myself as nothing like that. I felt ugly inside out. Like the facial expressions Elle Fanning has here. In fact, my facial expressions negative or positive would be pointed out to me a lot by my mother (she is Ardra Rising) and recently a lot by a colleague (they have Saturn in Ardra). Ex: "Don't frown, you look angry. Don't slouch you look insecure. Why are you suddenly so loud? Why do you talk so fast and make such faces (I was excited). You looked so funny right now." My mom as Ardra Rising has had much more of a turbulent life rather than she being the turbulence herself (maybe a bit). I think she perceives me so strongly as my luminaries fall in her 1H. She was/is always worrying about me too. She always felt like I was an extension of her. I hated it lol. Chitra Rising always wrapped me up for other people nicely though. My mom would joke: If only they saw you at home (when someone would praise me to her)/ You were so nice to that relative you could win an Oscar./ You act all nice with your friends but terrorise us at home. (It would be said as a joke after my friends would leave). I was a moooody teenager. Oh and yeah, I've always been obsessed with my looks but like guiltily and insecurely, never felt good enough to be vain about it if it makes sense. Always had ideas of what I could improve. Convinced my mom to let me get minor plastic surgery as a teen. I don't regret it. Yeah. I also secretly appreciate it more when they call me beautiful vs. smart. Cause with brains... I know it, I believe it, I feel it, I was told it from an early age. It's not the thing I need validation on. I can measure it somehow with tests/exams/debating. Now, I had to work on my appearance. And you can't just go around asking people to rate you or tell you whether they find you attractive. Or whether this or that looks good on you. Loved ones would say yes 100% anyhow. So yeah, my placements fit me I guess. Took some bravery to say this.
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