Silent Hopes

I’m sorry that it took me so long to truly believe you. Thank you for staying while I slowly realized how much of a blessing you are. Thank you for healing me.

A: Tadi yg kebagian wakawangze cuma anak integrated lg. Padahal pengen coba Haha

F: Coba ama aku aja ntar haha. But I'm only one person..

A: But you're worthy that a billion person to me :3

F: Aww you're very sweet :3 Even though your grammar could use some fixing :*

I don’t usually let PMS mood swings take over my head, but today it really got the best of me. You, of course, are always the most affected victim but also the most loyal. Thank you for understanding me and thank you for your efforts to coax me out of my grudges. It doesn't always work and I know how much it confuses you, but when it’s over and I start to think clearly, I remember how you still stayed and just kept trying anyway. And that’s what softens me in the end.

I deeply believe in this, just like many others also do. The thing is, how do you know whether he/she is the one He created for you? How do you tell whether you’re the one destined for them? You can’t, there ain’t no billboard telling you “Yes!”. There won’t be no traffic light giving you the green go. You can only pray with all your might and believe that God will lead each of us to the perfect partners.

I'm not too good at relationships, I think. Lack of experience and excessive ego, I guess. It's no easy deal trying to understand another person just as good as you understand yourself. But I've discovered that being in a relationship isn't always just about getting to know your partner and accepting their flaws. It's about getting to know yourself even better too.

You could feel that you've known yourself pretty well but actually not entirely so before you've shared a life (or at least tried a demo version of it) with another person. You never knew you could -and would- sacrifice so much for another human being. You never knew how you would react to situations where you had expected so much from someone so important to you, only to have them come short. Sometimes you come to realize what an annoying and frustrating b*tch you probably are. It's not always something you can change but at least knowing your weaknesses will lead you to finding the answer how to stop them from getting worse. 

In the past week I came across these two quotes on social media about finding the "perfect" lover. The first thought that came to mind is: "You're already it. I'm done looking".

I fell into the same typical trap that so many others have fallen into: falling for your best friend. Lucky for me, my best friend fell for the same trap at the same moment I did. Even more luckier, it actually turned out okay. We do dumb things together and call each other names for a laugh. Tell stories about exes or past crushes and be honest about embarrassing things. Oh, we fight for sure. We don't avoid it 'cause we know friction exists out of getting so close to each other. We get angry at each other when we need to, but then after things calm down we talk it over to solve the problem. Even though I don't know for sure if we'll make it to the end or not, in this moment I feel so damn lucky to be given someone so... compatible.