unscrupulous knave

I'm like if a missing person was literally right there

Sneaking into the monastery every night to shave the monks tonsures slightly bigger

I say shit like "If my memory serves me" knowing damn well it serves the dark lord

love having blind faith in my fallible king #MyFallibleKing

whoops lost myself for about eight years there

i dont care if mondays blue. tuesday coo and wednesday coo. thursday yea im gonna coo it's friday im a dove

lol yeah go ahead try and attack me *notices i left my dragon scale talisman of immortality at home* or maybe lets not be too hasty

i will start sitting in a clearing holding a small stone and rubbing it with my hand for 10000 years to learn how to empathize with the river bed

could use a riverjob right about now

i will need to start over because i am going to throw the first stone at your head

broooo did you seriously disturb my eternal rest & bring me back to this mortal coil just because my ancient enemy the eternal night has returned? after i sealed it away and everything? which one of you tampered with my binding runes 🙄

where's my useless apprentice i TOLD him it was going to be the duty of the next generation to not repeat the mistakes of those before them and to make this world bet- oh my apprentice goes by her now? you're telling me she's right in front of me! my dear i'm so sorry i didn't know. you look so much more happier and more confident than the bumbling, shy apprentice i once knew. im so proud of you. were you the one who tampered with my fucking runes

just found out in medieval france, having a lion on your coat of arms was so prevalent that there was literally a colloquial proverb to clown on knights for being basic and not having a real coat of arms. the hate game was so strong back then. imagine medieval hate anons

extremely funny to me that our ancient biographies of vergil tell us that he argued exactly one case in court and then never again because he was so bad at it. imagine being the guy that vergil represented and being like "look at my lawyer dog i'm going to jail 😭" and then years later your shitty lawyer goes on to write one of the most important works in the history of latin literature

it's okay, ulysses ogre. you can back up and try dubliners, it's a short story collection with much more straightforward prose, you can dive deep on one piece at a time, and once you've toyed around with that then I'm sure you'll have an easier time with ulysses. besides, I had an irish lit professor who'd been studying finnegans wake for twenty years and she said she still didn't really know what was going on in it. ulysses ogre, what really matters is if you are enjoying your time with literature and feel like you are gaining something, not whether you reach the "correct" conclusions. there's no need to try and force yourself through something if you feel like you aren't on an even enough plane with the text to reap any of its rewards.

Bro, we are cooked. The knight that dogs the prince's shadow like a dark and silent wraith just knelt to press his forehead to the prince's hand. Yeah, now he's uttering a prayer whose recipient is ostensibly God but in reality is the deified version of the prince that exists only in his mind. Aaand the prince just caressed his cheek to preemptively grant him absolution. I gotta... I gotta get out of here.

They should have an oarfish emoji that’s four times as long as any other emoji