moonlight blue.

bold what definitely applies to your muse. italicize what somewhat applies to your muse. repost, and do not reblog.

ARIES: tries to do everything at once, doesn’t know when to stop and take care of themselves, bends over backwards for everyone even if someone did them dirty, has entirely too much on their plate.

TAURUS: idealistic, spends a lot of time trying to impress others, doesn’t like to apologize, eating is a coping mechanism or just addictive personalities in general, a tad codependent.

GEMINI: the most flip floppy people ever, what’s today’s mood?, never apologizes, in denial 90% of the time, their way is the highway, desperately needs a break, they have a hard time setting goals because their goals scare them.

CANCER: the literal meaning of I’ll give you the shirt off my back, isolates themselves in fear of someone hurting them, wants to change but is scared of change, complains a lot but never takes advice people give them.

LEO: no one takes them seriously because they feel they always have to portray themselves as the fun one, is actually really sad inside, honestly needs a hug, exhausted always.

VIRGO: can dish it but can’t take it, rushes everything, anxious, plans their future but forgets to live in the moment, sometimes ignores their friends because they have so much on their mind, talks about themselves a lot and sometimes forgets to ask the other person how they are.

LIBRA: solves everyone’s problems but their own, is actually really sad and lonely, gets easily heartbroken but tries not to show it, will do anything to justify bad decisions, honestly just wants everyone to love them but doesn’t really love themselves.

SCORPIO: easily set off, will give anyone the cold shoulder at any time even without reason, keeps a lot in, so observant that they oftentimes find out things that hurt them, too many “what ifs” swirling in their heads, has trouble showing their true selves.

SAGITTARIUS: impatient, brash, commitment issues, body issues, doesn’t realize they don’t need to change for anyone, has a lot of different goals to a point where they get overwhelmed, just wants to disappear and do what they want without anyone questioning them.

CAPRICORN: scared people won’t like them unless they’re at the top of their game 24/7, takes a LOT for them to talk about their feelings, secretly struggling, fake happy, needs a plan but doesn’t know what that plan is, confident but insecure at the same time, wants to be stable but sometimes wishes they could drop everyone’s expectations of them and live normally.

AQUARIUS: gets heartbroken like 30 times a week, trust issues, can be unmotivated and disinterested, feels they have to adapt to every person they meet so they can be liked, doesn’t know how to tap into their emotions despite being very intuitive, confused, expects little.

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

in general, she’s big on skinship so she’ll hug, hold hands, link arms, etc. with her friends. she likes keeping in touch despite schedules so she’ll also try to keep up with their sns accounts to see what they’re up to. she enjoys cooking a lot so she also makes sure to show her affections by cooking for those who matters. gift giving from time to time, specially towards her members, dancers and staff.

towards a lover, likewise she’ll also be big on physical display of affection. kisses, hugs, hand holding, cuddling, lap sitting. for someone who possesses a “strong” image on screen, she’ll be pliant and cater to what her lover needs. she’ll bicker and tease a lot, probably find something to laugh about too. she’s vocal with her feelings and what she wants. since she’s often away for work, she’ll try to spend as much time as she can with them during her free time but make sure to stay connected when they’re apart.

they told you that you were good but you wanted to be better. the best.

they told you that you were a star but they wanted to bring you down. you were the company’s princess, a crowning jewel in the making. despite your reputable name, you also knew what they said behind your back, even as a trainee that busied yourself inside empty halls and quiet training rooms, you knew. impatient and temperamental, too much, too fast, too foolish. a silly girl, head filled with silly big dreams. only they didn’t whisper as quietly as they thought. they were the silly ones, you heard every word they said.

victoria was the company’s true swan, reminding them so much of a vision in white and floral. ‘she’ll make it big,’ the other trainees would say, and smile and laugh in excitement for the future. victoria is kind, approachable and easygoing. someone to go to for intimidating questions, training advice, someone who guides in softness. but hoojin pd-nim thought of you as a leader. you’re her iron willed protégé, determined, wild and ambitious. tender hearted yet unyielding, you’re built from the same fire she is and you slowly come to a realization that you must be everything she was as a young child with your visions of the limelight.

still, you tried so hard to be the perfect trainee. your footwork was flawless, every flick of your wrist and sway of your hip perfectly in tune to the music. you sang, oh boy did you sing. until it was 2am and your throat is swollen, scratchy from the fatigue that your vocal cords have endured. played your guitar until the strings have snapped free from your rigid routine, escaping rest from your restless fingers. you did as you were told without a question asked, gave up everything in exchange for the grandstand.

only it isn’t how you imagined it to be. you’re competing with other girls for something not guaranteed to be yours, training without assurance for the future ahead.

most days you’re in the major team but some days, a minor member. one day you’re captivating the crowd and the judges with your skills and charisma, the next day you’re just right.

do you remember the day when you called your mom to tell her that evaluations weren’t going well? of course you do – how could you forget? you were a teardrop away from telling her she was right, that you never should have gone to seoul and that you should have just pursued a tennis scholarship through the academy and workshops. ‘i told you so,’ you thought she’d say. you were so certain that she’d remind you of the other paths you could have taken and scold you for the failure you’ve become.

but a mother knows when her child is in need and she took you under her wing, comforted you through the distance and assured you that everything will work out in the way you want it to. hard work will never betray you and nothing worth having ever came easy. your dad called not long after – whatever was shared with mom, was shared with dad. isaac too. despite being bullied by your older brother, he came to your dormitory, bought you that avocado smoothie you liked so much and told you of a dream he once had: the world as your stage and you, standing at the center.

with one last cry you went to bed feeling like a ton of baggage had been lifted off your shoulders. matters of the heart were always sunnier in the mornings so you left everything for the next day. and when the sunbeams kissed your lids and your limbs were moving and going, you finally found out the news: who’s that girl was in the making and you had a chance to snag a spot.

it didn’t take long before the company told you, right? ‘we think you’ll be a good fit as a group leader.’ it never ceases to amaze you how much things can change in such a short amount of time: simply, what was there is no longer, and all that you had you will never have again. privacy was no longer an easy option for you, nor was freedom. you said yes in a heartbeat.

there was nothing else you wanted more. even now, there is nothing stopping you from being the best. if you could go back and do things over, you will always say yes. but if there’s something that you wish you took advantage of, it’d be those two things exactly: privacy and freedom. in the end, these are things you’ve paid for the cost that you feel your heart will always desire.

the nights are long full of work and practice. you spend your days in front of a team you’ve been working with for over ten years, an invisible ring of gold around your head. there is no mother to easily run to for advice, nor father for a comforting hug. even isaac is hard to get in contact with at times. these days, the other members are doing their own thing. too and as nice as it is to have your own place and to develop a routine wherein you’re not responsible for anyone but yourself, you end up missing it, missing them. the energy, the affection, the common ground of achieving something great after shedding sweat, blood and tears.

everything is through a distance, whether it’s a call or a video chat.

you’re not entirely alone though. there’s a home you call your own, a pair of arms that welcome you no matter how hard and difficult your days are. through kyujin you define what it means to love and be in love every single day: of the skeletons in each other’s closet being exposed – through the worst fears, insecurities and doubts – but still saying, ‘i choose you, to be with you.’

some days you feel bad, some days you feel you don’t deserve him. for all the things he does, the least you could do is show him off and yet a simple act as that, you can’t do. sometimes it hurts, to the point where your chest is heaving and your aching for a universe wherein you never had to pay the prize of freedom for the crown that’s in your head. sometimes you think of the times during the years prior, how liberated you’d been and how wonderful it would be to still have that now. you’d hold his hand in public, take risks, live life, love freely.

they tell you to do as you wish, live your life as you please: tell the world, pay them no mind; and perhaps you’ll do exactly that, sooner than everyone else thinks. because heavy is the crown that sits on your head and heavier is the burden that comes with it. you’re tired of hiding the woman in you who’s mastered herself from within. you’ve uncovered your power and you know how to use them. you’re no longer on the path because you’ve become the path.