dark days for your solstice

I thought I’d put a note on here as I did sorta disappear without much info in April and I feel bad for that, I don’t know if anyone was wondering wtf happened. I’m just now coming out of a bit of a rough physical and mental health episode that lasted about a month. I’ve realised I have a real issue with obsessive thoughts that lead to anxiety paralysis and negative compulsions, and screen time full of fandom drama, rolling news, political tension, pointless trolling and all sorts of other doomy socmed slop is just nuclear fuel to those negative behaviour patterns. I was racking up 8-12 hours a day of screen time this time last month! How did I even DO that. And most of it was being spent consuming content that actively annoyed or worried me.

I think it’s very likely I am somewhere in the ASD/ADHD/OCD nexus. I do have the kind of psychological profile which can get caught up in all sorts of negative self-talk, moral anxiety, magical thinking and maladaptive/parasocial daydreaming if I’m not careful, and I can’t just let that fester. I do plan to get an official assessment done on that front in the near-ish future when money allows, but in the meantime I’m the only one that can give myself a fighting chance until then, you know?

Sinking deeper