Lately, I’ve been spending more days lying face down on the floor, crying all the time.
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Lately, I’ve been spending more days lying face down on the floor, crying all the time.

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Today might be really dangerous. I have to be careful...
Stay in a safe place.
Move to a public and hazard-free location.
Put away dangerous items.
Just focus on getting through today.
Concentrate only on making it through the next hour, and then the rest of the day.
I'm not sure if it's the depression or what, but I haven't been able to do simple things like clipping my nails for a few days now.
Just survive for five more minutes.

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No matter what state we end up in, we may never truly be lost from the face of the Earth, only continuing our transformation as matter.
However, when the difference in our transformations becomes too vast, the casual conversations we shared and the moments we laughed together turn into precious events, existing only as memories. That realization sometimes brings a wave of sadness. Because memory can be distorted by various factors as long as we live, I try to live each day in a way that ensures those warm memories remain warm forever.
I can't quite put it into words, but I'm just tired of the world.
Perhaps it's because though we inhabit the same world, we interpret life and proceed at our own pace.
It might be the extremity of the swing between depression and mania that truly wears us down, more so than the states themselves, much like how sharp temperature fluctuations make us ill, not just the heat or cold.
I feel an emptiness that comes from perceiving the sheer fragility of life. It's because the end was so sudden and senseless when measured against the weight of the life that was lived, and the inherent value of life itself.
When I'm having fun, I can forget I'm even alive.

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This morning, even though I hadn't had a sad dream, I woke up to find myself sobbing uncontrollably.
My face and pillow were soaked with tears, and I was genuinely surprised.
Even after that, as I was walking outside, tears would unexpectedly well up, which felt really strange.
I'm not trying to interpret this in any spiritual way, but it's almost like someone who desperately wants to cry is borrowing my body to do so. laughs
This world holds so many things I simply cannot ignore, and they overwhelm me.
These undeniable, overwhelming phenomena compel me to create, to depict them as an irresistible impulse.
This is everything that allows me to live right now.
The irreversibility of certain interventions makes them crucial, yet they also create friction with individual self-determination and values. How can society strike a balance in such circumstances?
Furthermore, where does one's own will truly reside?
Facing the Infinitude of Questions
Delving into universal questions such as "Why do people feel lonely?", "What is a sense of belonging?", and "How do we interact with society?" reveals that the deeper one explores these fundamental inquiries, the more apparent it becomes that no definitive "answer" exists. Instead, new questions and multifaceted interpretations continuously emerge. Facing this infinitude can lead to a certain sense of resignation or nihilism, a feeling of "ultimately..."
However, the very absence of a clear answer might actually deepen thought and create room for diverse perspectives. If a work intends not to present explicit answers but rather to pose questions to each viewer, prompting them to deeply re-examine their own "loneliness" or "sense of belonging," then this "lack of answers" becomes its strength.

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"Something unexpected came up." or "Someone asked me for a favor."
So, I guess it's okay not to die right now.
I think it's fine to just keep repeating that cycle.
I had a trauma flashback and now I can't go to a place I once
loved so much.
Even so, it's still a place I deeply cherish.