That was my weight this morning.
February was mostly a lost month for me on the weight loss front. Mostly held at around 407 - up a little, down a little, but could reasonably be called flat. These last few days I've been losing again, and now I'm tantalizingly close to breaking through the 400 level and using that wonderful 3 at the start.
Yes, it's still heavy as hell, but the emotional lift of changing that first number is so incredible. I've been feeling like maybe I was just supposed to always be around 405, or that somehow I had a mental hangup abut moving lower into the 300s and that I was preventing myself from moving forward.
I really don't know. I just know I'm excited about breaking that level.
Tangentially, I was with a guy a few hours north of me a couple of weeks ago. I had fun, I'm pretty sure he did, too. We didn't know each other very well in advance, but enough that I was comfortable. I've discovered since then that quickie or anon hookups aren't for me. I knew that already. And it wasn't that guy who made me realize it. I liked him, just hanging out and talking; but I've talked with some other guys who just want to hop in bed (if they even make it that far into the house) and that makes me really anxious. I posted an ad on the infamous "list" site and thought I had a guy coming over. I had no idea what his name was, or very much even of what he looked like except for a handful of explicit photos he sent to me. Turned out when we were exchanging emails Saturday night, I thought he was coming over then, while he was being chatty.
But I waited about 2 hours for him to arrive, and that entire two hours was nerve-wracking. And as I experienced and dealt with that anxiety, I figured out that anything that causes me that much stress isn't something I really want to do.
But a friend directed me to a dating app I hadn't heard of before - not one of the usual dating apps - and I have a tentative coffee date Saturday afternoon. Just settling on the time. I'm a little anxious about it, but a good anxiety. I hope we pick a time soon and get to meet.
On the homefront, I've continued to get my house back in physical order. I've continued using my maid bi-weekly, and she's a godsend. 2 weeks is about how long my house can handle not being cleaned before it starts to look rough. She does a great job with my house, though, and it's because she does that I don't have the anxiety about having other service people in my house. I'm not ashamed of the condition anymore.
This week I've had COIT out to clean the air vents and shampoo the carpets. Talked with a painter today about getting the rooms all freshly painted; I'm working out the numbers now as to how much I can afford, or how to afford all I want to do. The painting is much more expensive than I had imagined. But I know how crappy it would look if I painted it myself. I don't have the patience for stuff like that. I'd rush it and it would look like I rushed it.
I still have some work I want to do outside, and that I probably can do with a friend's help on a Saturday.
Doing all of this makes me feel more normal. And to all the people who would tell me that I should just love who I am and that there is no "normal" - please don't talk to me :P
I'm eccentric as it is, and I'm comfortable with most of it. But there are things that I should do, and things that I need to do, that I have to change myself to make them happen. And that's what I'm working on.